Hard

14 Auden

I love it when we get to the end of the week! Friday is finally here, so that means that I can be with Linc tonight. We have made our arrangement official but we haven't actually gotten to proceed with anything yet. We have been stuck in this recurring motion of going to class, going out with our friends, staying in my dorm with our friends, and then after all that falling asleep. Getting him alone has been extremely difficult. I do not know how Sutten and Jace keep finding the time but they always manage since I haven't seen her sleep in our room for a couple of days. 

I wonder where Linc stays. I haven't actually asked him yet but maybe that is a personal question? His dad is the dean from what Sutten told me so maybe he lives with his parents.  

I wish Linc and Sutten were also in the Government class I take because it is relatively boring. I hate talking about these boring topics about the presidency. I learned how the presidency works when I was young. I was hoping for more of a debating class but that seems to be nonexistent. Gabe spends the entire class period texting Eliot, but he hides his phone from my line of vision so that I can't see what they are talking about exactly but enough that I can see Eliot's name.  They are getting closer every day but far from dating that's for sure. Eliot is Gabe's polar opposite. He is loud and openly gay but still very masculine. I wouldn't know he is gay if he didn't tell me. He loves weird horror movies and posting on Instagram every day. He dresses in all black with the occasional white t-shirt. Eliot is Asian and proud of everything that makes him who he is but Gabe hates most of what he is. Gabe is not a closeted gay guy but he still has never dated a guy before. I wish he would stop being so standoffish like me. 

Every few minutes I hear a small giggle escapes his lips and he tries to cover it up by covering his mouth with his hand. "Everything good?" I ask. 

He doesn't answer, instead, he just smiles and continues to text instead of taking notes over the lecture. 

After class is over, Gabe walks me back to my dorm room hall and runs off to see Eliot. I can't tell if they are already hooking up yet or not. I feel like our whole new friend group is just having sex with someone but I find it oddly amusing. This is what college is supposed to be like right? Everyone having fun and not worrying about stuff. My thoughts are cut short by my father getting up from his seat right outside my dorm. Fuck! I don't want to deal with his shit right now. 

Before I can run, his eyes catch mine, and he stands to hold some envelope. I can still run but chances are he will follow me anyway. He comes closer to me as I pull out my dorm ring keys. "Hey, sweetie..." 

I glare at him and he takes a step back away from me, "Don't." I snap. 

"Fair enough," I open my door to my room and he stays outside until I gesture him in but to leave the door open, "I wanted to give you this." 

He hands me the pink envelope and I open it unwillingly. Inside a flower falls to the floor but I don't bother to pick it up. Save the date... "YOU ARE GETTING MARRIED" I don't realize that I am screaming until a guy walks by my door and stares at us concerned. I wave him off and he plugs his Airpod back in. "You have got to be fucking kidding me! To who?"

He sighs a little and looks to the ground instead of at me, "Your mother was supposed to talk to you..." 

"Clearly she didn't quite get to it, Howard!" 

"Dad, not Howard, and I can see that. Her name is Josephine, she works here as an art professor." 

That art professor is an idiot! 

He goes in to hug me and I push him away. His eyes look hurt but I couldn't care less if he is hurting. I was hurting my whole life and he didn't care or notice. After all this time he wants me a part of his life! He wants me a part of his marriage! He has got to be on drugs of some kind.