Survivors Of The Lost

02

Thanks for giving this story a chance. I hope I won't disappoint you guys..
~Happy reading....

Waiting was the only thing I could do. There was nothing else I was capable of. With each passing moment, The feelings were weighing me down. How was it still possible for me to have feelings for him? He left me. He broke me. Still I love him. I was in my room after having my lunch just now. In the morning umar and I checked out of the hotel and came to ma's place.

All were very disappointed by rayyan disappearance. Even his parents didn't have a clue as to why he left. At least that's what they told us. I had been crying all day. My energy had been drained.

I just wanted to sleep and wake up just to know this all was nothing but a nightmare but I couldn't sleep. Whenever I closed my eyes I could see rayyan smiling at me cunningly, Everyone were laughing at me, enjoying my condition.

People say and I qoute "All men are same" but I firmly disagree. Not all men are same. I dont remember my mom saying that dad left her right after nikkah and that's enough for me to come to a conclusion that all were not the same.

Men knew to treasure their wives for the rest of their life. They say just go with the flow. But I don't want to go with the flow. I just don't want to exist.

I want to live. People tend to become just an existence and I dont want that to happen. I want everyone to know that even people like us do have feelings. I just don't want to sit here and wait for rayyan. I took my phone and dialled rayyan's number. But his phone was switched off.

Someone started knocking my door. I went to the door and opened it to find Aunt rukkaiyah, rayyan's mom standing there. She smiled at me. Her smiled warmed my inside. She put her hand on my hand which felt motherly. It felt so right and wrong at the same time.

"Assalamu Alaikum" She greeted me. I smiled at her. I didnt wanted to her to be all sad and guilty abour her son's doing but I didn't want her to act as nothing happened either.

"Walaikum Asslam" nonetheless I smiled at her and let her in the room. "Alot of things have changed here." She pointed out. Obviously. Everything was meant to be changed. The room was almost empty. Everything was packed in a suitcase. It was like an empty room with just the furnitures.

I smiled at her and I sat down on the bed before she sat down. Unlike of what I used to do earlier. When she opened her mouth to speak her phone started ringing. I tried to peek and see the caller ID and I was shocked to see rayyan's name flashing. She ended the call before it even rang twice.

"Ayah, I know what happened to you was terrible. No one should go through the things you have been through but.." she paused for awhile before speaking again.
"He came home in the morning. We asked him alot that why did he do like this but he is adamant to let himself free from this marriage. Im sorry sweetheart."

She handed me some papers. I looked at the papers and I was shocked. Divorce papers was what I was holding. I never thought the first day after my wedding I would hold divorce papers. And aunt rukkaiyah was okay with all this. Was this a joke?

She gave me a bewildered look to me. "Aunt rukkaiyah, Why me?" I asked her with unshed tears waiting to flow once she starts counting my flaws. She gave me a sympathetic look.

"Sign the papers and call me. My driver will collect the papers from you." She said and got up ready to leave. I was numb.

Neither could I demand for answers nor I could get up and stop her from leaving, begging her to not to do like this. I didn't want this but again no one wants something like this to happen with them. But everything is already planned.

It was meant to be like this. My heart was meant to be broken. I didn't stop her. I let her go. Along with letting her go, I let go of my dreams, happiness, expectations. It was over. Nothing was going to be okay anymore. I was just an existence. No one wanted me and Its okay.

I am enough for myself. I have Allah with me and that's enough. I couldn't comprehend what was happening to me. I just couldn't decide what to do? Should I scream or cry? Should I be mad at him or myself? I got up, locked my door and sat down on the floor with the support of the door. Ma was banging the door continuously. "Ayah, Open the door. We can sort this mess together. " Her voice shook slightly which she tried to hide by coughing but failed miserably.

"Nothing can be sorted now ma. I want to be alone. Please." This time I let ma hear the vulnerability in my voice. I didnt want to be strong anymore. The knocking stopped. She went away I guess. I got up and opened the suitcase which I packed yesterday to be taken to his house. I laughed thinking of the things which had taken place within just 24 hours.

Among all the things a frame stood out gracefully. Taking all the attention to it. I took the frame. Not bothering to close the suitcase I sat down on the bed. Leaning my back on the bed frame. I looked at the picture. Here, my parents and I were laughing looking at camera. I remember that day so clearly. It was my 18th birthday. I was so carefree. I didnt have to worry about tomorrow.

My mom used to say that whenever you come across a problem and you can't share your feelings to anyone just pray to Allah to ease your pain. He will heal you and even after that If you dont feel good dont lose hope. Pray to Allah again. And exactly that's what I am going to do now.

I did my ablution and came out of the bathroom. On the back of the room door there was a small hanger type of thing in which my abaya was hanging. I wore the abaya and put on a scarf, careful enough not to show any hair.

I prayed and asked dua (Supplication) From the almighty to ease my pain, To help me to get rid of this pain.

My eyelids felt heavy considering how I had been crying for so long. I removed my abaya and scarf, kept it on the couch, I let my hair loose. I made sure to unlock the door, In case ma would get worry about it.

I hopped on the bed ready to sleep. This time when I closed my eyes I didn't feel like everyone were laughing, mocking at me. This time I felt at peace. Like nothing was wrong. And I didn't even realise when I fell asleep.

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