Heartless

31

My lip quivered as she got in my face, "what is your fucking problem! What makes you think I don't deserve to be a part of this?!" She yelled. Anger boiled inside me as I held back tears. "YOU were the one that left! YOU didn't want to be a part of this ten years ago!! What makes you think you deserve to be here now!" I heard the door open and someone came in, I was too busy staring at my mother to know who. "I deserve to be here. He's my husband for gods sake!" I shook my head angrily. "He's your EX husband mom. You LEFT." I repeated, "you always told me that I was the problem and that I ruined yours and dads lives. But in reality you were the worst thing to ever happen to US. You broke me. And you made dad pick up the pieces. He chose me over you." I spoke coldly. Her face turned red with rage as she slammed me against the wall. "Hey!" Colby yelled and rushed to us, about to grab my mothers arm, "It's okay Colby." I said and darted my eyes over to him quickly nodding that I was okay. "We need to talk." My mom glared at Colby then back to me, "alone." Her words still chilled my bones. But when she spoke it was less cold than before.

She walked out of the room and I walked to Colby quickly, "hey I'm gonna be fine, okay?" I said and he pursed his lips, "I don't want you going alone with her." He said and stared at the door she just left from. "It's gonna be okay. She can't hurt me anymore." I said and put my hand on his cheek. He nodded slowly and I walked out the room and followed my mother down the hall. My hands shook but I evened my breath out. We stood in a courtyard outside, nobody was around.

"Listen." She started and turned to me. Her voice wasn't as harsh as it usually is, but it still made my blood freeze. "I don't know who the fuck you think you are but you need to be put in your place." She said and crossed her arms, glaring at me slightly. "I need to be put in my place?? You can't just up and leave for ten years and expect me to allow you to be a part of something like this." I sounded stronger than I felt. "I don't think you know who you're talking to." She growled and came closer to me. "You're right. I don't know who I'm talking to, because you decided that you didn't want to be a mother. And you decided that I didn't need a mother growing up. And you decided to not love your own child." Tears formed in my eyes. "Go ahead and cry. You were always such a baby." She spoke coldly. "Do you even realize what you did to me?!" I was now screaming. She raised her eyebrows, prompting me to continue.

"You made me feel so worthless. I yearned for love from you, and I took all of your verbal beatings because I hoped that one day you would love me. I would watch the other kids get picked up from school, they would get a hug and kiss from their moms. You would slap me if I breathed too hard." A tear fell from my cheek as I angrily wiped it away. "When i was six fucking years old I remember believing you when you said I was nothing. And to this day your words haunt me. I haven't lived a day where you weren't there to ruin it, even after you left. You are the worst thing to ever happen to me." I hissed causing her to roll her eyes. "I wish you would have gotten an abortion. Because then I wouldn't have to live with this baggage that you put on me." I shook as I started to break down.

"You're pathetic." She said coldly as she stared at me, "nobody makes you feel a certain way. You make yourself feel that way." I rolled my eyes. "You fucking broke me mom." I said and pointed a finger at her, getting in her face. She grabbed my wrist tightly, "don't play this game little girl, you'll always lose." Her face was stone cold. "God, what did I do to you to make you hate me so much?!" I said obviously frustrated. "I don't have to explain anything to you." She said coldly. "Alright then. Why don't you just leave. Why do you care so much about being here for dad?!" I finally pulled my wrist from her grasp, "because I actually love him." She said causing me to shake my head, "if you loved him you would have made it work. You would have tried for him." She scowled at me. "Just leave." I said and opened the door for her. She scoffed and walked through the door, leaving me alone in the courtyard. I slid down a wall and cried into my hands. The emotions coursing through me finally spilling out. I cringed as the door opened again, I expected it to be my mom coming back to beat me sensless. Colby sat next to me and pulled me to him. He didn't speak, he just let me cry. "I'm so sorry" I said as he wrapped his arms around me. "Sh. Don't apologize." He soothed and rubbed my arm. "I'm sorry" I repeated in a broken tone. I felt the weakest I had been since she left. He kissed my head and tightened his grip. "Im such a baby" I said and choked out more tears. "No. You're human." He said softly and pulled me closer to him. "You're human and you're going through a lot. Just breathe." He spoke gently.

I calmed myself down after only a couple minutes, after being angry with myself for crying again. Colby helped me up and we walked back inside and to my fathers room, Sam and Kat were sitting in there talking to my aunt. They stopped the conversation as soon as we walked in. "Hey are you okay?" My aunt said and hugged me, then caressed my face in a motherly way. Her face shifted to a sad glare as I involuntarily cringed right as her hand touched my cheek. "I'm sorry." I said quietly and she pulled me into another hug, "it's okay darling." I pulled away and turned to the others, "okay. Enough of this heavy shit. Let me show you around my hometown." I said and took a deep breath. I watched as Colby smirked, his eyes flared with admiration.