Ace Attorney x reader One Shots

Uncontrollable Arguments (Klavier x Reader)

Uncontrollable Arguments (Klavier x Reader)

Your Pov:

I stood in the stage wings waiting for the performance in front of me to end. Klavier stood on the opposite side in the right wings. I grabbed an apple from the fruit basket on the table and took a bite from it as Klavier watched me. We just had a bad argument and he had the smart idea to make a performance about it. (Note the sarcasm) We both decided to make it half rap half regular song.

The performance finished and we headed on stage. The music began and the spotlight shined on me as I turned to look at Klavier, "This battle's gonna end like every argument does! With you kissing my ass and begging me for a rub!" The crowd cheered.

I moved around the stage making hand and body gestures, "I made a map motherfucker and I'm reading it too! Gives me specific directions how to fuck with you!" Klavier looked both irritated and shocked. I smirked, "I know that you like to think you're so macho. But you smell like ballsacks and nachos! I work. While you and your boyfriend Steve, drink and play sports in a Fantasy League!"

I went and stood in front of him, "You're as sharp as a stick, that I rub on my lips! So go ahead take a shot, I'm sure that you'll miss! Like the laundry, the toilet, the grocery list. If you'd stop fucking up I wouldn't have to get pissed!" Klavier scoffed as he started, "My life was fine 'till you had to come along and wreck it! Could you please just shut your face for ten seconds?" I scoffed at him as he continued, "You cry about everything, but can't decide what you want: "I'm hungry", "I'm fat", "I'm cold", "I'm hot"
You call it complex, but yo I'd call you a mess! You take two hours to cum, three more to get dressed!"

The crowd gasped and my jaw dropped. That was low. He kept going, "You got a lotion for this? Got a cream for that? Got any perfume that smells like get the fuck off my back? When things are good they're great, and it's like I'm dreamin'. Until your junk starts bleedin' and you turn to a demon! It ain't summer (Y/n), don't try to play me like a douche! You wanna bite on my fruit well you can swallow the truth!" I frowned at him, "Don't. even. bring up swallow! The first rockstar prosecutor ain't a tough act to follow! One pump chump and you're hung like a weasel! Ditch the fig leaf, get yourself a pine needle!"

(I didn't know what to change the fig leaf line to! I'm sorry!)

The crowd ooh'ed. I continued, "You want alone time? Have it! In fact, suck your own dick, and shave your own back! That apple's the best thing I bit so far! Now I see how much of a dick you are!" Klavier rolled his eyes as he sang his final line, "I wasn't listening, are you still flapping those lips? I was just thinking, yo did I give up a gig for this? Woman, I just don't know what your problem is! All I know is you're acting like a colossal bitch!"

I gasped as the music lowered a bit. I cast my gaze towards the ground. Klavier spoke, "I'm sorry." I bit my lip, "...I'm sorry too." He took a step towards me. I held out my hand to stop him, "Don't even think about it!" After that, we headed off stage, the argument no longer on our minds.