Artistic Tendencies | MiChaeng

e l e v e n

Of course.
~

It all seemed surreal.

When the doctor had told her 4 year old mind about the change of path in her life - the limits and obstacles she'd face - it's as if time had been too slow then. Her heart was weak and as a child, it's as if her whole childhood was stolen from her. Taken away from her.

Chaeyoung remembered the anger, the frustration, and how much she wanted to curse every damn thing on the planet. She remembered how, in her teen years, she would lash out on some of the doctors. Chaeyoung would snap at them, telling them to leave her alone; rebelling against their rules and restrictions, and even risking her life with extreme movements.

The only reason she's stopped being irrational was because of the time her mother practically begged her to stop. Chaeyoung cringed at herself; she made her own mother cry. She disowned herself, scolded herself for doing that to her own precious mother. Chaeyoung broke her heart and she really didn't want to be the one to cause tears to her own mother's face. In fact, Chaeyoung would much rather suffer the boredom of sitting in a brightly lit room - with the sound of a machine beeping annoyingly every few seconds - then see her mom cry.

After those insufferable moments, Chaeyoung would be lying if she had hope. Her mother always spouted how even the smallest bit of wishes or positivity will be heard, and surely a miracle would happen. Chaeyoung would only nod, smiling as she listened to her mom go on and on about the many trips they'll go on once her heart is in better condition.

But Chaeyoung didn't believe that.

Chaeyoung only thought of that as distorted reality. A world where only the good happens. She thought of this awaited miracle and the aftermath as a way of coping with the harsh reality of her deteriorating life. Chaeyoung no longer looked for the miracle; she stopped. She gave up. What she wanted, was a dream. A dream that'll only be stuck in the very depths of her thoughts.

A dream that won't happen.

That's why Chaeyoung knew that all of this was too good to be true. She knew the very moment she heard the doctor's words. And now here she was, contemplating about the day of the surgery. The day where they make an attempt at saving her life.

This miracle seemed too good. Too convenient. Too, fake. Chaeyoung wasn't even surprised when the doctor had mentioned a possible death; she was expecting it. Her heart had been weak since she was a child, Chaeyoung isn't surprised if another wouldn't be compatible with her body. She knew full well that her body was failing, just like her heart was.

Chaeyoung didn't believe in miracles. She never did.

If miracles existed, then why am I like this? Chaeyoung asked herself. She even screamed at her mother once due to all the irritation within her thoughts regarding the possibility of miracles. Chaeyoung apologized right after and mentally scolded herself for being a moody teen.

But then she came.

Chaeyoung wouldn't admit it right off the bat, but Mina's smiled seemed to have poisoned her. Seeing her was like seeing a light shine against the midnight skies. Like she was the brightest star among all the others.

She didn't lie to herself. Chaeyoung fell for her. She knew why her heart pounded against her ribs when Mina smiled at her. Chaeyoung was aware of the shivers that crawled up her neck when Mina held her hand. She knew about how her stomach filled with butterflies when Mina would laugh at one of her corny jokes.