stutter » a. irwin

chapter 17. affectionate

❀ J U L I A ❀

Ashton's fingers delicately weaved through my hair as he attempted to construct what was probably his fifth braid.

"Ashton, stop!" I swatted at his hands, trying to focus on the movie we were watching. After all that kissing I decided we needed something normal to do, so here we were, tangled on a couch watching a drama about a young teen falling in love.

So cliche, but so addictive.

"But- it's so curly," Ashton whined, twirling a strand of my hair around his finger in concentrated fascination. I sighed, but couldn't stop a smile from making its way onto my face. He acted like such a five year old sometimes that I found myself wondering if he really was twenty.

"Seriously! This is the good part, just stop for five minutes." I pleaded, keeping my eyes glued to the TV. On the screen, the young girl's aunt had just walked in to find her niece heavily making out with her boyfriend.

"Bu-but- I thought you were a lesbian?"

The girl pointed to her boyfriend's hand, which was currently up her shirt.

"Um, no... by the looks of it, I don't think I am."

The entire scene had me laughing harder than I probably should've, but then I noticed the lack of amusement coming from beside me. Instead, Ashton's gaze was burning into the side of my head, so I turned to him with a smile on my face.

"Come on, don't tell me that wasn't funny. Were you even watching?"

My grin faltered when his eyes met mine, and I swallowed at the intensity in his unwavering gaze.

"Actually," he said leaning towards me, his eyes noticeably darker than their usual soft hazel glow. "I was just thinking that I really want to kiss you again."

Suddenly, the movie became merely background noise and all I could think about was Ashton's lips on mine. Feeling bold, I leaned in even closer so our lips were almost touching.

"Then do it."

Without hesitation, his lips captured mine. There was too much space between our bodies, so I crawled into his lap and wrapped my arms around his neck. My heart was beating wildly in my chest. I could never get enough of the unique taste of his lips, officially addicted to the odd cinnamon/coffee flavour the came with Ashton.

For most of my life I had felt alone, yet right now, there was someone who actually wanted me. I didn't understand how someone like Ashton could even entertain the idea of someone as ordinary as me, and suddenly the thoughts were consuming and all I could think about.

Hesitantly, I broke the kiss and whispered breathlessly against his lips. "Can I ask you something?"

He pulled away, smiling brightly.

"Anything."

His smile put me slightly at ease, but I still averted my gaze to the coffee table in front of us. "I- um... why me?" Of course, it wasn't until after the words left my mouth that I realized I wasn't even speaking proper English.

Shaking my head in exasperation, I continued, "I mean- why would you notice me of all people? You have over 3 million beautiful followers on Twitter, which, of course I wouldn't know of because I obviously didn't creep your profile, but- that's besides the point. I'm just an ordinary gir-" I was abruptly cut off from continuing what was probably a never ending ramble because Ashton's lips were on mine again. The kiss was soft and sweet, and soon he was pulling away. However, his forehead remained against mine, my breath mingling with his.

"I think it's cute that you've been on my Twitter." he chucked softly.

"I'm sorry, I was just curio-" He cut me off again by bringing a finger to my lips.

"No, don't. Let me get back to my point." I slowly nodded my head and held my breath, waiting for his answer.

"First off, you're not just an ordinary girl. You're awkward and beautiful, and I can see the love I possess for music reflected equally, if not more in you. I can tell it means something to you. Earlier today, when I saw you writing and playing, it was like I was watching the most beautiful thing on earth. I wouldn't want you to be anybody else, but who you are now, because I like that girl. A lot."

As happy as his confession made me, I couldn't help but feel that Ashton didn't know who I really was and how bad of a person I could be. That sometimes the anxiety I dealt with took over my sanity, and the choices I made during those times weren't always logical.

"I'm not okay, I have a lot of problems. Things you don't know about." I whispered, my hands suddenly trembling. I was scared that once ashton saw those parts of me, he wouldn't be saying such beautiful words. "I just don't want you to end up like Joyce; to only see the bad parts of me."

Ashton brought my shaking hands up to his lips and softly brushed his lips against my knuckles. "Julia, we're not all perfect. I know i'm definitely not, so I don't expect you to be either. I'm not going to be like Joyce because we're already different. She threw away a friendship with an amazing girl, but I intend on keeping you around. You're wonderful and I wish you'd see that."

His words were so sincere that I almost began to tear up, but I quickly blinked the tears away. I was always so fricken emotional. It was one of weaknesses, along with trusting people too easily, but I really hoped that I wasn't wrong in trusting Ashton and that maybe one day I could tell him everything.

I moved to lie down on his shoulder and wrapped my arms tightly around him, because all I wanted right now was just the two of us in this little bubble - where the voices weren't so loud and there was hope in the future.

"Do you wanna get back to the movie? I think you were more into it than me." Ashton mumbled, burying his face into my hair.

A laugh bubbled out of my lips.

"I wonder why."

He pulled back to shoot me a skeptical look. "You leave me with two options - a decent looking movie and a beautiful girl, and you expect me to pay more attention to the movie?"

"I see your point... kind of." I looked up at the gorgeous curly-haired drummer, noting the hint of stubble running along his jaw line. The movie i'd once found so much enjoyment in really did pale in comparison. "But will you try and watch the movie now?" He raised an eyebrow, opening his mouth to speak, but I cut him off. "For me?"

"Okay, only for you." he sighed, leaning in to brush his lips over the top of my head lightly.

Satisfied with his answer, I made myself comfortable and cuddled up to Ashton. he wrapped an arm around me as I laid on his shoulder. After about half an hour, my eyes started to feel heavy, and the last thing I remembered thinking was that I hadn't felt this content in a while. I could only hope that this happiness would last before the demons came knocking again.

❀❀❀

(does anyone even read these authors notes) surprise again! very early update. i know this may seem like a filler chapter, but there are some important moments in here that are beneficial for the plot ok.i decided to keep the chapters shorter but have more frequent updates, i think you guys would prefer that a lot more idk

also thank you to everyone who sent in song suggestions for my playlist, i'll be posting it soon and i used basically all the songs that were recommended so woo i'll be dedicating chaps to all of you

remember: 100k reads and 4k votes by jan. 5th and you can get a sneak peek of cal's story which is so uber exciting yaa

im jamming to bad blood rn bc of a song rec @bethanynl commented and its so good wtf thanks man thats going in the playlist [along with your other song rec ofc]

vote/comment/vote/comment to see part of cals story [if we reach the goal before next week ill post it sooner] ILY YOU RAD BITCHACHOS