stutter » a. irwin

chapter 20. paranoid

❀ J U L I A ❀

"The boys and I are going on tour in three days."

For the rest of the day, that was all I could hear echoing through my head. I think the rest of the boys understood what was running through my mind because they tried their best to distract me from my thoughts, but even Calum's horrible attempt at breakdancing couldn't take away from the fact that in three days, they would all be gone.

"How long?" I suddenly blurted out, interrupting the hysterical laughter that was present as the house grew silent. "How long are you all on tour for?"

Ashton's hand unconsciously tightened on my waist and I saw a muscle tick in his jaw as he purposefully avoided eye contact with me. My gaze darted around the boys, waiting for an answer, before I finally settled on Calum.

Calum, who had trusted me with his past, the one who I could count on to tell me the cold, hard, truth. He looked up from his Vans to meet my eyes, and his eyes flickered to a stoic Ashton before responding.

"Six months."

Those two, simple words made my heart drop into my stomach. Six months was a long time, and I knew instantly what that meant for Ashton and I.

Long distance relationships never worked out.

Of course, this would've had to happen eventually, but for the past two months everything seemed to be going great and I guess I had hoped they would stay like that forever. With Rachel gone, hanging out with Ashton and the guys had become a regular routine and now everything was about to change.

I could feel each of them watching me warily, waiting for my reaction, but I had disappointed too many people in my life and I didn't want to make their departure all about me. So instead, I plastered on what I hoped looked like a genuine smile.

"That sounds amazing. It'd be super cool if you guys got me keychains from each place you visit. I have a bit of an embarrassing collection." I forced a weak laugh.

We were all playing a game of pretend. It was obvious they didn't buy my act, yet they still attempted to change the mood.

"Are you sure you don't want a naked hula doll instead?" Calum gave a half-supressed laugh, throwing his arm around my shoulder as Luke shoved Calum lightly.

"I'm not even sure they sell those where we're going, idiot. Naked hula dolls are like the souvenirs from Hawaii." The blonde huffed, rolling his eyes.

"Whatever Lucas," Calum grumbled, making a face at the blonde as he made a face back. Soon, the two were in a full out war, and rude hand gestures were exchanged before the two fell to the ground and started play fighting.

"Ow Calum, get off-"

"You're the one who flipped me off!"

"You stuck your tongue out at me!"

"Well you-" Calum groaned in pain as he clutched his head. "Your stupid lanky leg just hit me in the forehead!"

Michael, Ashton and I could only watch amusedly as the two argued like an old married couple, but as much as I appreciated their effort to ease my discomfort, I still felt the sense of dread that had been constant in my stomach since yesterday.

It had only increased and I could now feel it creeping up my chest, slowly threatening to suffocate me. No amount of Calum and Luke could change that, and the tension between Ashton and I was becoming too much for me to handle.

I stood up abruptly, causing everyone's attention to turn towards me. Even Calum and Luke, who were in the middle of reconciling and cuddling on the floor, looked up at me with confused expressions as I moved towards the door.