Vulnerability

~4~

Various articles and diagrams surround me as I sit with my legs crossed on the pastel peach comforter that swallows up the entirety of my small twin-size bed. It's only been a week and I'm already buried in a pit of assignments. This is what I get for being a biochem major. My laptop remains lit up, displaying the abundance of articles and medical journals that I have opened up to help with my research paper on the physics behind biology. I just love being assigned an entire research paper in the first week of university. There is immense sarcasm in that statement.

"Jess, one slice of pizza isn't gonna make you gain 50 pounds," I state, staring at my sister through my cracked phone screen as she quizzically stares at the medium box of pizza in front of her. My sister decided to video chat me so she could "keep up with her favorite little sister". I immediately called B.S. at the sorry excuse to bombard me with questions, but I don't tell her that because I don't mind having some time to talk with my big sis.

"What makes you say so?" She questions.

"Because that's scientifically impossible," I reply blatantly.

"Oh, look at our little biology major sounding all educated and shit," Jessica playfully mocks as she finally decides to take a bite into a slice of the pineapple pizza.

After I watch her take a satisfactory bite from the large slice of baked dough and cheese, she starts talking mid-chew, "Y'know I miss you, seriously. It's finally hitting me that you're gone."

I don't allow her statement to sink in before it starts making me think too much about being so far away from who I consider being my other half.

"Stop, you know you don't miss my annoying ass," I smile wholeheartedly at my older sibling through the screen.

"You're right. You were a pest," she muffles as she continues chewing, "but you were my pest."

I chuckle at her sentimentality. "You're a joke. You know that right?"

"Whatever, but you know you still love me more than anything," she pauses, "speaking of 'love'. You still haven't told me much about life in Orlando, Florida. In other words, I mean how are the Florida boys?" She asks suggestively giving me that face. The face she does when she tries to insinuate that I know what she means without her having to say anything further.

I playfully roll my eyes, "Life here is okay. Nothing is going on with any 'Florida boys'," I reply adamantly, lying through my teeth.

An expression of cynicism flashes across her face. "Jules, you can't be telling me that you have not done anything partially interesting in a city that big with anyone at least, partially interesting," she presses, quirking her brow at me as she takes another huge bite of her pizza.

Victor and I have been talking nonstop this past week and I can't help but feel giddy whenever I think of him but I refuse to jinx anything by telling my sister. I know the endless questions and concerns will not end so I don't want her to worry about anything that isn't too serious. My thoughts momentarily go back to when he and I video chatted right before I picked up the call from my sister. My cheeks heating up a bit at the thought of him.

Instead of giving my sister information, I deflect. Horribly.

"Pineapple pizza is gross," I state randomly.

"Says the one who thinks French fries are gross. Sometimes I don't even know how we're related," Jessica debates as she continues to take large, satisfying bites from the fruit-covered pizza.

Bingo.

"I never said I think all French fries were gross, just a majority of them," I argue, defending my taste buds. I pat myself on the back for successfully distracting my sister, but I'm also thankful for her shortened attention span.

Jessica replies, "Mmhm, whatever," before taking a brief pause. "Dad loved pizza."

A sudden silence engulfs our conversation. The memories of my father's contagious dimpled smile come flooding in as an image of him comes to mind, nearly drowning me in instant sorrow. Wishing that he was here today is my only wish. My face begins to heat up as I dwell on the fact that my father is no longer here to see me and my sister grow up.

A slight cough sounds from the other end of the phone, distracting me briefly from my thoughts. "My bad Jules. I didn't mean to-"

"You're fine, Jess. I'm fine," I immediately confirm.

Jess's eyes flash around awkwardly. "Um... I heard mom's doing better this week. She might even be good enough to come home," Jessica adds as a means of relieving the sudden tension.

I look up to see Jessica nervously tuck her straight chestnut brown locks behind her ear. An impressionable habit that I've adopted as well. The topic of our father usually brings out certain emotions in both of us, but at times I question if they are the same kinds of emotions.

"Jess," I start in a deflated tone, feeling too drained to continue conversation about our family. I just don't have it in me right now. "I think I'm gonna go. I have a shit ton of coursework," I declare solemnly, keeping my head down, boring holes through the comforter.

"' Kay...," she starts hesitantly. "I love you, Julian," She states with such conviction as if meaning to drill that in my head. "Don't forget that."

I nod in response with the most genuine close-mouthed smile I can force out before my slender finger delicately taps the red button to end the call. After the screen adjusts itself back to my home screen, I stare blankly at the beautiful sunset I took a picture of yesterday.

I've been into photography as of late, finding that it was a constructive way of dealing with my fits of anxiety. I took that picture on the first day I stepped foot on the USO campus, deciding that it would be my home for the next four years. Being as excited as I was, I found everything beautiful because it was different and new. Never having left home kind of does that to you I guess.

The particular picture became my home screen wallpaper because I feel like I need a constant reminder that there is something beautiful that I can lose myself in when life gets too real.

________<€>________

Hey guys, what did you think of this chapter? We finally get more of Jess. What are you thinking of Jules' family dynamic? What are your assumptions?

...

Don't forget to leave a vote, comment, and follow me for updates! ❤️