A Trial by Halves

Shame

"This is not how Ye Hua would want to see you." he stated gently but firmly while leading her out of the chamber and with a just one look at Er Li, he left the boy behind having read that look perfectly.  Whatever they were going to talk about, did not involve him, so remaining behind with Zhe Yan, he quickly set about pouring him a cup of tea and helping himself to the little cakes that Chang Shan had made for him.

Leading her to the infirmary, Mo Yuan had to steady her seeing as she was lightly swaying against him, and though he could see she was doing her best to pull her emotions in, he knew that this talk was not going to be easy for either of them, but like her, things that needed to be said did not wait to reach boiling point otherwise the message gets lost behind the wrong words in the heat of anger.

Now sitting her down, he slowly reached up a hand to take hold of the bandage.  Her head had not been checked for two days seeing as everyone had been far too busy with Ye Hua, but as he slowly began to un ravel the mountain of gauze, his soft voice began to speak while she sat quietly and listened.

"You were never one to think before you acted, so I really shouldn't be surprised at your recklessness." he began as a thin sliver of blood began to appear through the bandage that was slowly being unwound from her head.

"Shifu....."

"Let me finish." he stopped her and forcing her mouth to clamp shut.  

Had he been any other man, she might have given him a piece of her mind, because at that moment she did not feel as if she had done anything wrong, but as she listened to him talk about the emotional turmoil he had been under the day his brothers spirit was awoken having waited over one hundred thousand years for his birth, then she was finally given a much deeper insight into that zither music he used to play.  

He talked to her of the music his father had left behind and it was all he had to give his brother in that form and so for centuries he played one particular tune that she learned his mother had written years before their birth.  That tune was the first one she had first heard him play and she had fallen in love with it.

Vainly, she had believed that he played solely for her, but as the memory of Ye Hua asking her about the tune that she had been humming when she was Su Su,  finally began to sink in, then she just as suddenly realized just how special the relationship between the two men actually was.  Her Shifu had only ever been that to her, yet not once had she ever considered that he had thoughts and feelings for something other than being a Master of Kunlun or a War God.  That he had silently and no doubt at times, painfully, lived his life with his brothers soul in his hands, was such an eye opener, that she didn't even notice that the bandage was off and he was now gently wiping away the dried blood from her hair.

"Shifu.....  " she merely whispered as that deep hidden love for a brother began to swirl through the depths of his eyes.  The sorrow and pain he was feeling at having waited so long for his birth only to lose him on his ressurrection was nowhere near the agony he was going through at the loss of a chance to give his brother the gift at a second chance which she had so selfishly stolen from him.

"I understand your need to be there for him in every way possible, after all, vows given at an altar are forever." he continued in that same soft tone while ignoring the agony now swirling through her own eyes as she sank deeper into his.

Nothing had ever frightened her more as a child, than when his voice thundered angrily.  That War God tone put the very fear of Heaven into her heart, but this soft tone and with that look in his eyes, terrified her beyond anything she had ever known.  Nothing of his emotions were hidden from her this time.  He allowed her to see that part of himself he showed to no one and not only was it painfully raw,  but his agony was hers.  If he yelled at her, passed punishment or struck her, then she deal with it for what it was.  But this gentleness edged in deep sorrow and anger was by far the most painful.

"You have given so much already, must you keep on giving until you have nothing left of yourself to give?" he asked softly before suddenly stopping what he was doing.  Then to her horror, he not only lay down the cloth he was using to clean her head wound, but he then lowered himself to his knees before her.

Like a nail being hammered into a coffin, her heart sank to her knees..  Shifu did not kneel before anyone least of all his own Disciple, but for him to lower himself before her, broke her heart so thoroughly for what she had done without once considering him or why his need to be the one to save his brother, that she not only physically forced him back up onto his feet, but she lowered herself to her knees.

He knew that what he had done could be seen as vulgar and tasteless.  Unforgiveable even, but then, what she had done was even more so, and the only way for her to fully understand this, was to allow her to see him, The God of War, the venerated Master of Kunlun Mountain on his knees and weak.  It was a symbolic gesture and one that left her feeling incredibly ashamed of herself regardless of all the reasons that justified her decision.  What he had just done, shattered them all.

She would have also put her head to the floor, only his hand stopped her and only because her head wound would not allow it.  And nor did it prevent him from lowering himself once again to gently pull her back up onto her feet. 

In tears and feeling both ashamed and embarrased for him and for herself, she merely stood before him with her head down in tears as he took a deep ragged breath.  Then as he had done so often in the passed, his arms encircled her shoulders before pulling her against him.  

He may not have yelled at her, demanded that she explain herself or even ordered her to the punishment rock, but she was left in no doubt as to his disappointment.  But as quickly as the embrace began, he was just as quickly pushing her back.

"Ye Hua will awaken tomorrow,  if you want to be there for him, then you need to tidy yourself up." he said now fully back in his role as Shifu and releasing what had just passed between to the past which was something she had always admired in him.  This ability of his to get done what needed to be done, then letting it go.  Just like that.

Nodding her head lightly, she allowed him to sit her back down then with the rest of the water, he cleaned the last of the blood away from her wound, before gently rubbing in the balm that Chang Shan had made for her.  It was heated and initially stung, but she made no noise as it worked its way into the cut that was looking much better than it did two days ago.  And not wanting her head in a banadage for when Ye Hua awoke, she smiled gratefully as Mo Yuan then sealed the balm with his own energy to ensure she would not have to.

Once done, he then rebandaged the wound, before finally stepping back to look at her.

Since his resurrection, they had barely had time to talk, to catch up and just sit quietly together as they had done when she was little and though it was not the time for it, she did have one thing to say to him before they left for the mediation cave and a husband who was only one day away from waking.

"Shifu.  I am sorry." she said softly before raising her arms once to bow.

For Mo Yuan it was enough and for her, was not, but then again, some thoughts were shared.  What was done was done and tomorrow was another day. 

 A better day.