✓ [18+] A THOUSAND MILES FROM NOWHERE

XXV. What Ifs Never Change Anything

As I walk out of the station and into the fresh air, the warmth both clears my mind and suffocates me. Walking down the street, trying to calm my nerves, I think about Bex even more.

I think about her being pregnant, glowing, and how happy she would've been with a growing child inside her. A little boy.

I try to picture Bex holding a baby boy in her arms. He would've been just a month old now if she wouldn't have lost him. My heart breaks deeply, he wasn't even my child and my heart breaks.

Would I have still wanted to be with her if she did have a baby with someone else? Of course I would. I'd love that little guy like he was my own. I'd do exactly what she's done for me with JD.

Bex didn't have to accept my son, she could've been angry with me and hated me for having a child with someone else but she didn't. Instead she let that little boy wrap her around his finger and pull her in.

Now everything makes sense—the way she instantly connected with him.

The way her face would get when her Dad would joke about grandchildren. She was remembering the baby she lost.

Bex was silently mourning as I just stood by. God I wish she would've told me sooner. I hate that I had to find out this way.

I find myself at my Mom's antique shop in the middle of town and quickly walk in. My sister and Mom are standing behind the counter and thankfully there's no customer's in the store. I quickly turn the sign to closed and when they see my bloodshot eyes and red face from crying, they both come running from behind the counter with worry.

"Oh my God Nathan what is wrong? What happened to your hand?" my Mom asks, cupping my face in her hands. Before I know it I'm breaking down and telling them everything. Telling them about Bex and what has happened to her the last five years.

Both Mom, and especially Heather, begin to sob as I go on. When I tell them about her losing the baby, Mom grabs at her chest and Heather puts her face in her hands.

Of course both of them would be mortified by this news. Bex is like another daughter to my mom, a sister to Heather. They're feeling this just as bad as I am right now.

"I can't believe she went through that. My best friend was going through all of that alone. Poor Bex, I can't imagine what she went through or is still going through," Heather attempts to wipe her face clear of tears as she continues.

"You know it all makes sense now. The other day when I was at the bar with her, Susie came in to get her check and had little Jimmy with her. She had announced that her and Jim are expecting another baby and Bex's face went cold, as if she was remembering something. I should've asked about it then, I should've known something was wrong," Heather cries more and puts her arms around me. I hug her in return as I gently rub her shoulders.

I stay in this position for what feels like a long time and by the time I finally leave it's nearly time for me to be getting off work. I head back to the station, much calmer now that I was able to talk about it all to my mom and sister.

My mom had informed me to take things slow with Bex, that she's still healing and not because of what I did but because of him. Granted she's hurt from ten years ago but we are finally moving forward from that. I'm never leaving her side again.