Dizziness surrounds my head
Makes me see images that were
Never there; that never
Existed in real time –
Eyelids flash across the retina
And block out every other image,
Though we can tell not which images
Are hidden from our sight;
Looking around and wondering
Where we, or I, am
Going, though it doesn't
Matter at all –
But I still want to know,
Where I will be going
In a few years from now when
I have finished here
But I may never know, may
Never be around to know,
Though I would like to be here,
But I know it isn't a certainty
There never are any certainties in
What I do
Or what I am;
Only if it were a definite existence
I could survive in this harsh world;
In this harsh plane of
Existence, where we are
All maggots and biting at each other:
Tearing at the flesh, devouring
The soul, making lifeless
Corpses of each
Other, with no thought but for ourselves;
I find it hard to see past the turmoil
Created by this harshness, though
I try, try very
Hard, and, in a few tries, success,
But not always, never
Always, though it would have
Been easier to just quit,
If only I knew how
January 10, 1997
