Dear Emma

chapter 20 || ryder

I roll over in the stiff bed, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes.

I'm not sure if last night was real or a fever dream, but I do know that it was weird. Zack showed us the balls he had hidden and transformed into a totally different person and I swear I felt Kai's eyes on me almost all night.

It's only been a few days since Kai and I fought, but it feels like it's been months.

Kai has always been the person I talk to the most; it's always been like that. It's been so long since I was apart from her that I don't know what it's like. She's always just been there. Now she's not and I don't know where it went wrong.

The door opens with a bang, heavy footsteps walking towards me. A quick moment of hope passes through me, wondering if Kai finally had enough.

"Get your ass up Ryder," Hayden's irritating voice demands. My heart drops to my chest. I didn't want this asshole.

"Shut the fuck up," I mutter, throwing the covers over my head.

"What did you just say to me?"

I throw the covers off, clenching my jaw. "I said, shut. The fuck. Up."

"What the hell is your problem, man? I've seen the glares you give me, I'm not blind."

I'm this close to banging my head against the wall repeatedly until it cracks open. That would be 100 times better than having this conversation.

I get out of the bed, bundling up the covers and throwing them on the bed. I take a quick stride towards Hayden, my finger poking into his chest.

"What's my problem with you? You're asking me what my fucking problem is with you?" I push him back further, seeing the confusion in his eyes. "I don't even know where I would start with that question. The simplest explanation I could possibly come up with is that it's your fault that my best friend, you know, the one you've been dating for a whole 5 days, isn't talking to me anymore." I seethe. Hayden brings a hand to my bare chest and gives it a hard shove backward, putting space between the two of us.

"How the hell is it my fault?" he asks, dropping his hand.

A dry chuckle escapes my lips before I could stop it. "Because you had to go and kiss her in a fucking grief camp. In a grief camp! And I tried to show her the common sense side of things but she was brainwashed into thinking that you actually liked her that she didn't listen."

"Hey, I didn't brainwash her and I do really like her. Don't assume stuff about things you don't know," he says in a hard tone through his teeth.

"How the hell can you like someone so much that you can start dating them within days?"

Hayden stays silent, looking at the ground. I hold back a smirk. He knows I'm right.

"Look, I'm sorry if you really think that I'm the problem here and I hope you guys figure it out or whatever, but maybe Kai has point in not talking to you." Hayden turns around and walks out the door, leaving me in the same position I was a week ago.

I lean against the wall, sinking down slowly. I run my hands through my hair, trying to answer the one question that's been bugging me all week.

How do I fix this?

~*~

"Hey Callie," I greet, taking a seat on the ground next to her. At the moment, Callie might be my only friend here. Kai is mad at me, Zach mostly keeps to himself and Hayden is well, Hayden. Callie is the only person here who actually wants to talk to me.

"Are you okay?" She asks, scanning my face with a worried look.

I sigh, exhausted from holding everything inside. "Not really. But I will be."