Dear Emma

chapter 30 || ryder

I knock on the door of Cabin 13A, hoping that either of the girls is there. With today being the last day, the emotions are a weird mix of relief and sadness.

"It's open!" Kai yells from inside, and I twist the knob, pushing the door open to reveal a mess of clothes all over the floor. I carefully make my way across the sea, plopping down on the closest bed.

Act normal, I remind myself. You can figure everything out when you get home. Besides, you don't even know if she knows or feels the same.

"Geez, Kai. Did you bring your entire closet here or something?" I ask, balling up a shirt and chucking it at her head.

"You've known me, how many years now?" She turns around, leaning back onto her bed, her face in fake confusion. "Oh yeah, your entire existence."

"So? What does that have to do with the number of clothes?"

"Meaning you should know me better than that by now."

"In my defense, you could've changed in all that time you've been avoiding me," I point out. She grows silent, looking at the floor.

"I haven't been avoiding you," Kai says quietly. "I've been busy."

"Sure, you've been so busy that I haven't seen or talked to you for days in this tiny ass place," I retort, thinking back to the last time we had a conversation alone, which was when we had our little heart to heart in the boat.

"We literally talked yesterday during group."

"Alone, Kai. Not during group. Just us." I watch as she turns around, shoving stuff in her suitcase. "Is everything okay?"

"Everything is fine," she says quickly, picking up her pace. I stand up and walk over to her bed, standing on the opposite side.

"Kai," I say gently. She looks up at me. "What's going on?"

"I've just been thinking a lot lately and need some time to process."

"Thinking about what?"

"Things."

"What things?"

"Just some things."

"Kai," I say, slightly irritated at how she's avoiding the truth. She knows I hate it when she does that. "I've known you for my entire existence. You know you can talk to me."

Kai ponders for a moment before going back to shoving things in her suitcase. "Not here, Ry. Not now."

I let out a huff of air. "What does that mean?"

"It means that we'll talk about it when we get home, okay? It's the last day and we should make the most out of it. It's the last time Emma's ever going to be in our lives."

Is it the same thing I want to talk about when we get home?

"Can we at least pretend that everything is normal and there's no weirdness between us?" I suggest, hoping that I can at least have my best friend and support system for this last day.

"What happened to those new normals you were so high on?" Kai chuckles. I bundle up the closest shirt near me and chuck it at her head.

"Shut yo ass up."

~*~

I make my way to the fold-up table littered with different supplies, taking a seat next to Callie.

"Hey Ryder, how you doing?" She asks as I sit down.

I simply sigh, not sure myself. "I'll be honest, there are a million and one things I have to figure out, but not today. Today is for Emma." Callie offers me a small smile, placing her hand on my knee and I know she understands.