Harley Quinn And The Joker

...And His Diary

Now I sat here, holding this black book in my hands with nobody to watch or stop me from reading. Maybe it would've been better if I never found it? 'I should put it back... Nah, I'm just gonna read a view sentences, I'm sure I won't get much, though.' Leaning back on Harley's side of the bed, I stared at the black cover for a moment before I took a deep breath. 'Just one page.'

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If it's one of my henchmen reading this: PUT THE BOOK DOWN NOW!! Or I swear to my dead grandma, I'll find you and I'll bitch slap the holy devil outta you before I'm going to pop out your eyeballs! Thanks ;/

#7
So Batman has new toys. Didn't expect electrocuting batarangs. My left eye still keeps twitching. Also, my right arm is numb. Should I be concerned? .....Nah.

#9
Not gonna lie, that new gun was a.we.some! I feel kind of sorry for that kid, he did have brains. ALL.OVER.THE.FUCKING.PLACE!!

#14
What's going on with Harley lately? Keeps vomiting and doesn't look healthy, she might have caught a cold, that sneeze is weird tho.

#17
I wonder what our relationship will be like in the new movie?

#22
Batman broke my arm. AGAIN...duh. Like I was mean or something. Actually, I may or may not have called him a view names. Now I'm stuck with bruises and broken bones. Worth it!

#28
So Harley's been gone for like five days now without leaving a note, I'm starting to feel uncomfortable. It has been a while since I went to bed alone for more than two days. Not even the clown is helping.

P.S: find a place to hide that book because your henchmen start to get nosy :|

#31
Since Harley's off, I need to tell Ric to get the food because I am not the maid and I simply dO NOt want to go find myself some things to eat. How would I even know what I want? I can't cook that good and the ingredients for pancakes?? Never heard of them.

#32
Note to self: do not start cooking pencakes on your own, it will result in second degree burns, three deaths and a broken TV. You don't have time to get all of the bodies out of your kitchen in one day. I should also blow that book up in case police starts to get suspicious with the weird smell. Where does it come from again? Oh, right...🔥

#35
It still smells like burned flesh here and I would've thrown up at that but luckily, I found some airfresher - or somethimg. Now it smells like fruit salad...DAMN, I'm hungry. Cooking doesn't seem like a good idea, maybe I'll just order pizza? But had that yesterday. And I'm not a fan of Italian food.

#39
I don't feel okay. My nerves are thin as frack and I start to get anxious during the day. Where does this even come from?? I didn't watch Scrubs again, so that can't be it. There's also a feeling of disturbance that keeps me up for hours after going to bed.

#44
My anxiety didn't get better but way...WAAAAY worse.. It ain't funny anymore! Where's Harley? She might be able to help me here, she knows her way around special drugs.

#50
Great. I started bleeding from my eyeballs. My headache got worse and I'm still having those nightmares and hallucinations. Should I see a doctor? Maybe I'm just stressed out...

#53
Not that I'm proud but I got my new weapons! The two blades in my golden cane can split in three each and I'm off to run a field test - well, more or less >;)

#54
Just came from the doctor...sliced his damn head off afterwards because I do NOT have depressions! I don't need to write down my other sickness tho. As if someone would ever read that, heh.

#55
Okay, so, I was just walking and stalking when Batman appeared outta nowhere and just...punched me in the face! My beautiful, a little too white face! Didn't even do a thing. It's like he's searching for a reason to touch me. Wait.....am I on to something here? ..Naaaah, I'm just joking, HAHAHAAAA!! (?)

#57
I miss Harley. I also need someone to hug me :/ whoa, even writing that makes me feel like I wanna die of embarrassment!

#59
There are people who think I'm crazy. They say everybody's happy if I'd die. Do I deserve death? I'm not stupid. I know my actions are wrong - at least sometimes. But now I think about that recent joke and I can't stop laughing!

#63
April 1st. The day Harley got me out of Arkham three years ago. But it's the first time she's not around. I hope she's okay where she is... STOP THAT SHIT!!

#79
My sickness gets worse, feels like my head's been drilled into with a spoon 24/7. But I actually feel happy! Ice season, baby!

#133
Back from the dead! Dollmaker did a great job with Black Seven's organs! Speaking of...that guy. He's fun! He has the same humor as I and...Harley. In a way, he reminds me of her.

#140
The past months made me realize some things. And then there are the emotions. Harley's back. Weird that she still loves me. Stupid girl. But somehow, I'm glad she's back. And I can't stop smiling. Gosh, that sounds cheezzzzee..insert crying emoji here, ha!

#147
That dumb brat just acts as if nothing happened! How can she do that? ... How can I almost do that? Almost kill her? I hate myself for thinking she deserved that. I really do. She's most likely off to Black Seven. I hope he swings his dumb ass over here and chokes me with my own guts. How could I snap that bad? It's a mystery to me.

#152
Jingle bells, Batman smells, Robin laid an egg, the Batmobile lost a wheel and the Jo-ker got a-waaaay! I should attend a song contest with my voice! Like, listen to it: crashing through the roof in a one-horse open tree, busting out I go, laughing all the WHEEEEE! Cool, eh? You all just sang that in my voice in your head didn't you? Hahaha!

#163
Harley's the sweetest thing but I've come to realize that I'm not good for her. Sure, she's mine but I've been thinking about this relationship and I don't want to hurt her anymore. Yes, she cried and yes, I lied to her about a thing or two to get her outta my eyes. If she sticks around it'll only be a matter of time until I snap again...not to mention that ca....well, that thing. And it's still growing, according to my doctors. She doesn't know about it and I won't tell her. The less we talk and see each other, the better...for her.

#180
Apparently, Harley got thrown off a bridge by some old asshole - at least my henchmen told me that. Luckily, Black Seven saved her from breaking her bones on the ice. Good.

#182
I have a new favorite word! Snipe! Just like the sound of it, don't judge me tho, like you never had a down-moment...who am I even talking to?

#184
I'll throw myself into Arkham, those hallucinations hit me hard again. And not the good way...cancel the last part. I'm not a freak :/ I keep imagining all sorts of people, at one point, I thought Yoda sat on my desk. Freaked me out! But kept laughing for six minutes. Don't even know why.

#185
I'd like to write here that this might be my last entry because I don't want to get out of Arkham Asylum again. Of course, someone will eventually find this book and it's either Black Seven, that walking plant gal or Bats.
In case it's Black Seven: stop trying to kill me! Yes, I know about your plan, you amateur!
But if it's Ivy: I know you hate me but I do have a request for you. Please, take care of Harley. Which means do not tell her about the things you read here. I think we both know it wouldn't end well.
Batman: just this one question: what exactly are you doing in my bedroom??

Gonna leave with a joke here:

What can strike a Robin without him knowing it?

A thought