Harley Quinn And The Joker

I'm Everything But Okay

Life used to be a lot easier before I met Joker. I had a job I liked, a house I could afford and a working coffee machine. I was a happy girl back then, my biggest joy used to be the morning shows on Sunday and chilling on my couch.

Then this one day changed my entire life. The day I got the session with Joker. I still remembered my heart skipping a beat and my lunges tightening at the way he smiled at me during our first session. He had me from the second I walked into Arkham - and I didn't realize it...well, I kinda did but I ignored it.

I was in love with him and that made me blind for who he really was. I took all the beating, the insults and even gave up my fairly perfect life just to be with someone who never loved me. Someone who smiled at my cries and laughed at my sadness. Someone who never loved me.

I was just a sidekick to him, at best. He took my feelings as a joke and used them against me so many times I lost track. Joker left me behind and just pretended to care when he needed me to get him out of some situation...but I read his files in Arkham, I should've seen this coming.

Those four days I've been off from friends and every other person made it easier to try to get over what he said to me - at least I thought that. Because no matter how much I cried and tried to get my mind off Joker, that awful feeling of my heart being stabbed and burnt didn't go away.

"Hey, dollface, isn't it a bit late for someone that pretty out here?"

I sighed as I passed some thirty-year old man on the bridge. "Don't call me dollface, assface." Usually I would've taught that guy some manners already but I really wasn't in the mood for it. I wasn't up for anything right now, I didn't even know were I was going. All I knew was that I needed to get away from Gotham.

Instead of letting it go, the man stopped me by grabbing my wrist. Pretty tight. A little bit too tight, if one asked me. "Don't talk to me like that!" His eyes glared at me in an evil, crazy way - the kind of crazy I only liked in one man.

"I'm not in da mood for a fight, ol' man. Keep walkin'." I pulled my hand back from him and turned away when I suddenly felt a stinging pain in my right shoulder and turned my head, only to see the tip of a blood covered knife peeking out of my body. 'Well, damn.'

"I told you not to talk to me like that!" His outraged voice was the last thing I heard before I got slapped so hard off my feet I stumbled back and slipped on the ice covered ground, causing me to fall over the handrail.

My eyes moved back to the guy while I've heard only the sound of the wind. It was one of those moments when you see everything in slow motion and feel like all you see and hear is a bad dream you wish to wake up from. Yet, this was reality.

The iron bars were close enough to me, I just needed to stretch out my hand and grab them. There was enough time. Just one single move with my right arm and I'd jump up to the man and snap his neck.

But I didn't. I didn't grab the bars and I didn't even stretch my arm out. I didn't really want to. Something inside me told me that I was done with all of this. 'Do you really want to continue?' A voice in my head asked and I just stared at the bright lights on the bridge that went further and further away as I fell with my eyes closed.

♦♦

"Pfff, what do you mean, he's gone?" My eyes widened and I turned over to Ryan who had a scared look all over his face. "You're telling me you lost track on a twenty-two-year old guy wearing a damn yellow glow-in-the-dark seven on his back?" Ryan winced at my anger and I felt like crying at so much stupidity. "Are you an idiot?"

"Please, mister Joker, sir, I tried catching up with him but that guy's fast, I'm sorry!" He twitched in fear and I sighed. 'Who do I have to call to get the dingbats off my lawn?' Nevertheless, I was tired and wanted to finally go to bed so I tried settling this in the quickest way I knew.

"Get Ron and Dan and make sure you find him! If not, you be the last guy to freaking disappoint me three times in a row. Now get out!" I slammed the door behind him as he ran away and let out a heavy, loud sigh that first turned into a groan, then in a scream.

My forehead against the cold door, I started to breath heavier and louder under pure rage as my hands formed fists and I squinted my eyes, trying to pull myself together. But I failed.

"Get it in your fucking dense brain! You did the goddamn right thing. Don't mess it up! Don't you dare!" My mind, usually raging like a storm, was only about two things now. None of them was even in the slightest way comfortable - and that gave me a feeling of helplessness. I didn't like that, too.

I tried to take my mind off those issues by thinking of something funny, like blind babies. Or Mexicans. It just didn't work as usual which confused me even more and I couldn't even breath normal, despite violently trying to do so.

My left hand reached for the files of a blood sample a doctor took of me five days ago because I kind of started to feel...different. Sighing, I looked through the lines one more time while my heart started beating at a higher pace and my breath intensified at this...this big joke.

"No. Just. No!" I yelled at myself as I threw the papers at the wall next to me with my legs starting to shake as well as my breath. My hands felt numb and I turned around towards my bed, still leaning against the door but now with my back.

There was something I could do to get my medical files clean again - wasn't it? No. There had to be some sort of cure. I couldn't use my last two capsules of Dionesium for that. 'It's not as bad as the blood poisoning from the Titan formula, is it?' If Bats only didn't destroy the last pit of Dionesium in one of his caves!

Why did this even have to happen now? Now that I just started to feel actually happy again. The kind of happy I haven't felt often. Funny, how life works. But isn't there always something that messes up peoples lives at the most unpleasant times? Maybe I even deserved it. 'Well, cancel the 'maybe'.'

"You've got this." I told myself as I sunk down on the floor and stared at my knees with my hands on the sides of my face. "You've got this." There was this feeling in my eyes I didn't like - a feeling that made my hands shake and everything around me look blurry.

"Think of this as one of those glass-half-full-scenarios." My voice shook and a desperate smile grew on my face. "You've got this." I kept telling myself this one sentence - despite knowing exactly that I was just kidding myself.