Embers and Ashes

Chapter 15

   Those cases where both heart warming and heart breaking at the same time.

   So I smiled and offered up prayers and blessing that things would go well for those families. Even the ones who where fearful, and the ones who were sceptical of the money.

   I was happy to meet the people I’d be looking after for the rest of my life. Learning how they lived and what they needed. It was wonderful.

   For some reason Tyren did not agree.

   “What in Pryrhian where you thinking”, he scolds. “You do not know these people. You have had far too many close calls as it is.”

   “I had the guards with me. I was perfectly safe. I highly doubt any would have attacked the bride to be of their prince”, I offer.

   “These people are not like our own Melona. They are sly and cruel”, he sneers. “You have been getting far too comfortable here. You shouldn’t even be here. You should be back at the female’s quarters. Not so close to that boy. Think of the rumours that could be spread. This is just like that time with Cato.”

   My soul burns at the mention of him. “This is nothing like that. Eris is nothing, nothing like Cato. He might be arrogant, rude, and haughty, but Eris is not rash. Cato, he was angry and didn’t know what to do with it. He festered until it broke him. Eris is stronger then that. I have learned my from my mistakes.”

   “Clearly you have not”, he hisses. “Do you really think I wouldn’t find out that last night he didn’t leave your bedroom?”

   My cheeks burned. “Nothing happened.”

   “I sure hope not”, he barks. “You are playing a very dangerous game in letting him so close to you. Do you know what would happen to you if he used you, and afterwards disregards you? You’d bring disgrace upon your father’s name.”

   “How would any of that be my fault if he forced himself on me?! And second, Eris wouldn’t do that to me”, I argue.

   “It would be your fault because you would have been stupid enough to let your guard down before the wedding seals you two together. And don’t think for a moment that because you are of royal blood that you will be safe of reproach”, he sneers. “And you are a foolish child if you think you will be the first he beds, or his last.”

   “Get out”, I growl. Having had enough. He just stands there with a surprised look. “Get out!”, I order and point at the door. He listens begrudgingly only because the guards at the door shifted on their feet in preparation to grab him and drag his out if they had to.

    Tyren may be my father’s advisor but I am still part of the royal family he is working under. He still had to obey me, even if I hate using my rank against people, he had crossed a line in bring up that part of my life. The part that makes it hard for me to trust others, the part that makes it hard for me to feel real affection from another.

    I want to be able to over come that. To over come what Cato tried to do to me, but it’s hard when everyone is telling you that the male you are to marry is worse. Everyone is telling me not to trust Eris. That I wont be anything to him, and yet I’ve seen him with his guard down.

    He tries to be different around me, but now after Tyren’s words ringing in my ear. Now I have doubts. Is he pretending only to make me comfortable and not try to run before the wedding? Will he change after that?

I don’t know.

   “Is everything alright M’Lady?”, Pomona asks popping her head into the room with large worried eyes.

   “Yes”, I lie and rub at my eyes. “Yes, I’m fine.”

    “Perhaps a walk will help you feel better?”, she offers.

    “I just spent the whole morning out in town. The last thing I wanna do is walk anywhere”, I grumble as I find a seat on my bed and run my fingers in my hair. Watching to pull every curl out of my head in hopes it’d release some of this pressure.

    “M’Lady, I know it’s none of my business, but do you need to talk?”, she asks gently and I nearly burst into tears.

   I just shake my head and cover my eyes. “I want to Eris to want me. To think of me as something worth having, but all everyone is can tell me is how much I can’t mean anything to him because I’m not like them. I’m not stupid, I’ve read up on his affaires. All dignified and clever woman with enough spice to burn any tongue. I look like an awkward stable kitten next to the grandness of tigers. I’m not. . . I’m not anything like what he wants, and that scares me. He can so easily push me away for something better.”

    “I think the Master likes you much more then he does the other females he’s been with”, Pom smiles as she comes to sit beside me.

    “You think so?”, I sniffle.

    “Yes, if he didn’t he would have tried to bed you ages ago and then be done with you as he sees fit. He’s taking his time with you. I take that as a good sign”, she offers. “I think the two of you are good for each other.”

    I look over at her.

    “You show him that kindness isn’t gone from the world, and he’s teaches you to be more. . . prepared for the darker places. A good balance I think.”

    “I suppose we do”, I smile and lean over to wrap her in a hug. Pom seems startled at first but eventually wraps her arms around me. “Thank you Pom.”

    “You’re welcome. . . Mel”, she hums and gives me a small squeeze.