Try Once More.

Chapter 4: Suck My Cockiness.

Frida returned from the hospital disillusioned, hadn't told Benny that she would go but it was the best because the results hadn't been positive anyway. She was so disappointed and tired that she didn't want to see anyone, she just wanted to do her things. Lotta was in a camp and Hans and Peter were working, at least she didn't have to deal with them, only Heléne was in her bedroom but it was nothing and Benny was not at home either.

Frida prepared food and ordered everything in the house trying to put her ideas clear also to put her mind in order, she needed to know what she would do with her life from now on because clearly she couldn't continue as she was, she needed to make a change. She wasn't that young anymore and was having a difficult time having another child, adding that in total they had four, did they really need another one? Her mind was flooded with all kinds of thoughts trying to come to the solution of her problems and how she would talk to Benny about her feelings.

When she was in the hallway to enter her bedroom just Heléne was leaving hers and was shocked because she didn't expect to see Frida there. "Sorry, I didn't know you were home," Frida stopped and saw how she got scared to see her.

"Don't worry, am I so ugly today?" Heléne smiled and left the bedroom.

"Of course not, I just didn't expect to see you," she paused looking at a piece of paper in her hand. "By the way, I'll go out for a while; I won't come late. "

"Where will you go?" Of course she needed to know since was in charge of her while I lived in her house.

"To the park with some friends".

"Well, just don't come back too late and anything you call." Heléne said goodbye and Frida continued on her way to her bedroom. Finally. She lay on her back trying to find an answer to something that didn't even know the question, she didn't want to feel guilty but was seriously doubting the fact of wanting to have a baby, things were not working and honestly started thinking about the fact that she couldn't be mom, fate wasn't going to allow it and she wasn't going to go against it.

A few tears began to fall from the fact that she was a horrible mother, she wanted with all her heart to feel that she and Benny were leaving their little legacy in this land, an Andersson-Lyngstad baby, but each time it looked farther away.

Benny came home a while later and Frida was in her garden watering the plants, he hugged her "hello love", she tried to smile and put the hose aside to hug and kiss him. "What did you do today?".

"A lot of things and you?"

"Same".

Benny began to notice that Frida was hiding something and needed to know how much earlier what happened. "Is everything okay, my life?"

Frida sighed and looked at him, "we need to talk." Benny became worried and curious with what she had to say he took her hand.

"I'm all ears". They walked to the round table in the garden and took a seat, he looked at her impatiently but she didn't know where to begin. "What's up love?"

"We need to talk about parenting."

"Well, what do you have to tell me?"

"I don't know if it's okay that we're so obsessed with this," she cleared her throat. "I think we should go more slowly because I feel it's affecting me emotionally, I'm tired of thinking that I'm always pregnant and when I get the test it's negative."

Benny looked at her at first a little confused and full of doubts "did you do any other test?" She nodded. "When? why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't tell you because I was afraid, there was going to be too much emotion for this. I'm not pregnant and it's too sad."