Secrets

Part Two: DBS -- Fire

Lyrics within are from Dead by Sunrise's Fire, in case you didn't know. And if you don't know, you really should go have a listen now (linked above.)

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[April 15, 2008]

"Mike? Honey, wake up."

Somewhere inside his mind, Anna's voice registered in Mike's consciousness. He knew that she had called his name, but his foggy brain couldn't make sense of why she wanted him to wake up right then. He was comfortable, and warm, and it felt like the dead of night. There was no reason to wake up, he didn't hear the baby crying, and he was snuggled into his favorite recliner. He even had a blanket over him. The only part of his body that wasn't comfortable was his arm. Why did his arm feel so heavy?

With a start, Mike's eyes flew open, resting first on Anna's tired face, then settling fearfully on the tiny bundle in the crook of his left arm. He scanned the infant's face anxiously, relieved to see the rise and fall of the tiny chest swaddled in a pale green blanket.

"You fell asleep, I think you've been down here for a while," Anna explained softly, being careful not to wake the baby.

"Sorry, Anna," Mike mumbled tiredly, looking back up to offer her an apologetic smile. "He was fussy so I brought him down here so you could get some rest. I guess I was more tired than I thought."

Anna smiled back gently. "Thanks for letting me sleep. You wanna trade?"

It was somewhere in the middle of a calm April night, and Mike looked over her sweet, exhausted features, shaking his head. "Why don't you go back to bed, hon? Let me see if I can get him to lay in his crib." She nodded and lifted the blanket off his lap as Mike scooted forward in the recliner, planting his feet firmly on the floor before carefully standing with the baby still asleep in his arms. "See? I'm getting better." He flashed Anna a smile before heading up the stairs toward the nursery. "It's like I was never away."

Together they crept into the nursery, where Mike victoriously laid the baby down to sleep in the crib without so much as a whimper. Feeling proud of himself, Mike stood at the edge of the crib, looking down at his four-month old son, still feeling as though he were meeting his baby for the first time. It had been rough to go back out on tour, leaving Anna with the baby just three weeks after he'd been born, but the tour cycle had been set before they'd even known Anna was pregnant. He hadn't had a choice, and when the time had come to go back out on the road, Mike had been ashamed to admit he had been relieved in a way. Those six weeks had been a tough break from tour life for some reason. It was hard to admit the reason was Chester.

Oh, Chester. Longing tugged at Mike's heart the moment the vocalist's name crossed his mind. With Minutes to Midnight fully wrapped at this point, Mike couldn't help the melancholy mood that settled over him when he thought of the next few months. It would be a while until they toured again. The next album was only in its infancy, and everyone's concentration seemed to be at an all-time low, with all the new babies in the mix. All of the guys seemed anxious to be home and spend time with their new families, being good partners and learning to be fathers, and there was no time for new music. Except for Chester, who was still working on his own songs with Ryan, and Mike couldn't help but feel jealous. Not working on music made him anxious. Not working with Chester increased that anxiety tenfold.

As Anna's arm slid around his waist, pulling him close to her in a gentle hug, Mike's eyes landed on the toucan he'd painted on the mural over the baby's bed months ago. Chester's toucan, placed there on the night that Talinda had all but given her stamp of approval to his relationship with Chester. What relationship. Why are you even still thinking about this?