Secrets

Part One: MTM -- Toucan

[November 8, 2007]

"You shouldn't be in here, Anna, the fumes aren't good for you." Mike frowned at his wife, standing in the door of the nursery, her huge stomach protruding far past the door frame on which she was leaning. In one hand he held a small paint brush for detailing, in the other was a small cup of pale yellow acrylic. He'd been applying the centers of his flowers when Anna drifted in to see the progress.

It was as though Anna hadn't even heard him as she looked around the room, three walls a delicate spring shade of green on top with white wainscotting on the bottom, and on the fourth a giant mural of cartoonish safari animals in muted shades. "Oh, Mike! This is amazing!"

He'd been back at it for a few hours this afternoon and was just now into the finer detailed work he knew would bring the mural to life. Things like different shades of yellow in the center of his flowers, the individual hairs at the end of the zebra's tail, the rippling of water in the stream... even though it had been a while since he had painted anything at all, much less an entire landscape, complete with animals, Mike thought it was looking good. Anna's delighted response was confirmation.

Mike set down the paint and balanced the paint brush across the top before he made his way over to Anna, sliding his hand over her stomach and around her back, pulling her to him and planting a kiss on the corner of her mouth. They both giggled at his bad aim. "Well, somebody's in the way," he laughed, lighting patting the baby bump between them. He smiled as he looked at his wife's face, rounder in pregnancy than usual, her cheeks in a perpetual state of light pink flush, her eyes bright with anticipation. When he leaned forward to kiss her again, his balance was better and their lips met softly, both of them still smiling. "I'm glad you like it. It's been a long time since I painted any sort of landscape."

"When you're finished you should paint one for that big space downstairs in the dining room," Anna suggested. "You could do something in autumn colors, to match. Oh, babe, I would love that so much!" The emotional tears that always seemed to be at the ready started to form in her eyes as she imagined how beautiful one of Mike's paintings would be in their formal dining room.

"Of course," Mike said softly, "anything you want, Anna. I'll paint anything your heart desires." He closed his eyes as she stroked the back of her fingers over his facial hair and down his neck before sliding her hand into the back of his hair.

"I love you," she said. "You're going to be such a wonderful Daddy." It was proclaimed with such love and conviction that Mike couldn't help but feel uplifted by Anna's words.

As much as he was looking forward to the birth of their first child, Mike wasn't as certain that he would be even an okay father, by his own standards. In his own mind he was still struggling with the thought of leaving Anna and the baby at home while he was out living a completely different life on the road. I love tour life. I love performing, I love everything about the band. What if I don't even bond with the baby? What if he grows up resenting me, my work, everything that is important to me?

Taking a step back, Mike opened his eyes and looked back at the mural. Well, not everything that is important to me. This is important to me. Home. Family. Anna... this is the other half of my life. My entire life is not my work. "I'm going to keep going, hon. I want this finished so we can set everything up before I leave out again. I don't want you to have to do anything while I'm away."

There was another two weeks of performances coming up, all in Southeast Asia, and then six weeks off, where the baby would be born and Mike would be home for a few weeks before going back to Europe, then home to the States, touring for six weeks. He was grateful there had been little breaks in the tour this time, and it wasn't almost nightly performances like their first few tours had been, but the six weeks they'd be on tour after the baby arrived seemed like it would be way too long.