Fallingforyou // Matty Healy

Downhill

2:37am, the clock on the bedside table blared at my tired eyes. When George and I got back, I thanked Caroline for the cup of tea and went straight to bed where she cuddled with me until I fell asleep. That was two hours ago.

George promised he'd be back soon with Matty but I fell asleep and now was awoken to loud banging. I could hear a commotion in the lounge, all our rooms were connected in this hotel and we occupied the entire sixth floor so I knew that sound was coming from somewhere up here.

I slip out of bed when I hear even more bangs, opening my door I bump into Hann who looks just as confused as me. He pushes me gently behind him and makes his way into the hall where I could hear voices in shushed tones.

"Shut the fuck up, don't need you waking anyone up in this state" I make out George's voice, apparently Hann had too because he walks towards it.

"Don't be a kill joy George, jus' having fun. You should be thanking me for even getting you into that party which you left fucking early" Matty slurs.

I hear another bang, Matty cursing at George "I've got it, don't need your help."

"I left that party early because Bea was upset and you weren't around. You just left her with people she doesn't know after acting like a total dickhead for days!" I can hear George getting wound up and his tone becoming more aggressive.

Hann turns to me, frowning before shaking his head and turning back around. I feel his hand slip into mine and rub comforting strokes.

"She's a grown woman, I shouldn't have to look after her 24/7. If she didn't want to be there she shouldn't have gone" I freeze, his tone half arsed like he didn't even care what he was saying.

I jump when I feel a hand on my shoulder, I look back to see Ross who looked tired and confused.

George answers back "She's your girlfriend. Stop being a dickhead Matthew, it's late and you're not making sense."

"Stop whining, you're ruining my fun."

"Stop shouting, Matty what are you even on right now? I know you're on something, your pupils are fucking massive."

"Nothin', jus leave me alone. I'm off to bed."

The sound of a body hitting the floor makes the three of us move forward, Matty is lying on the floor laughing to himself whilst George sighs in exasperation.

"Matty?" I speak up, voice cracking from sleep.

He huffs "What? You gonna lecture me too?"

I lean forward to help pick him up, noticing his pupils were heavily dilated "What've you been doing?"

He pushes me away "All of you fuck off. If you're gonna tell me off, do it in the morning. You're not my parents so piss off!"

"We were just worried about you, just wanted to make sure you were safe" I tell him, concerned. His breathing was growing rapidly faster.

Hann speaks up "C'mon mate, lets get you to bed."

Matty staggers over to me, trying to reach for me but the boys stop him.

"I left the party cause I got upset, please don't be mad. It was too much and I couldn't find you. I'm sorry" I tell him, trying to explain.

"M'sorry darling, c'mere" Matty coos, pushing George's hands away as he tries to stop him touching me "Piss off George, she's upset. Come to me Bea."

I hesitate, his tone had changed so quickly. The last few weeks he had been so distant from me and now he was in this state and wanting to mend things, I felt so confused. Without permission, I felt tears drip.

He frowns at me, looking like a wounded puppy when I don't move closer to him. "Sting? Please, I'm sorry I won't go to another party again I swear. I don't know what's happening right now."

He falls again, leaning into my stomach. I run my hands through his hair, trying to calm myself and him down. The tears still spilled, the others watching on in hesitation and confusion at the scene.

Dear god Matty, what are you on right now? I ask myself. "Fuck you for ignoring me for weeks and then dancing with me and then showing up here like this. I've been a wreck" I cry, finally letting my emotions out.

Matty nuzzles further into my stomach, sighing and shaking his head "M'sorry, I'm a dickhead" he mumbles.

The rest of the early hours were spent looking after Matty on what presumably was a comedown from a heavy drug dose. I felt so drained myself from finally letting my emotions out to him.