Hope is a Dangerous Thing [EDITING]

Chapter Thirty-One

My own body snapped up from the couch. My eyes flashed open. My eyes locked with the ceiling. Cas and Dean were cleaning up the ashes of my children and Samantha in the library. James fiddled with his hands as Sam gave him a history crash course. It had been a few days since we had gotten back and nothing felt the same. I was home but the souls I had saved...they never left me. They couldn't physically leave me. My body felt heavier that it had ever been before. My soul wasn't there. But the souls of the others where here. I was here. I had survived but they hadn't. They hadn't felt anything more than one death but some of them had to see themselves and me die again.        Dean placed a hand on my shoulder as I looked him over. His smile held some pain in it. He knew. I had seen more death than he could have ever seen. I had felt the pain. My whole chest hurt as I locked eyes with him. He didn't even look at me the same anymore. To be honest, I wouldn't even look at myself the same. I would have done the same thing. He was looking at me as if he was looking at Benny. I smiled as I wrapped my arms around him in a hug I don't think he expected. He wrapped his arms slowly around me. He smiled at me a little bit as he looked at me.

    "I didn't want her to die," I whispered as I locked eyes with Dean. Our stare was broken with a groan from Sam. Dean smiled more as he locked eyes with me. "I knew she was just making a dumb mistake like we all do and yet she's dead for it. She didn't deserve to die."

    "I know, but she had to die. She was a bad woman," Dean paused as I locked eyes with him. "Okay, maybe she wasn't that but she made some bad decisions. She may have deserved some sort of retribution."

    I nodded as I held him closer to me. He smiled as I locked eyes with him. He smiled as I did the same to him. He held me closer to him. I smiled as he rocked me back and forth. He smiled a lot at me these days. It was fun seeing him do so. I had never really seen before. The two of us moved closer to each other and held each other close. He held me more often than not these days. I smiled at him more to him. He smiled as he rocked me back into place. I smiled more as I locked eyes with him.

    Cas stood up as he locked eyes with me. I smiled at him as he looked me over. Dean held me closer than normal as Cas walked into his seat. He held me close to him. I smiled over at the angel. He moved closer to me and smiled. He held me close to him and smiled at me. He looked me over and held me closer as Cas watched me over. He held me close to his chest and kissed the top of my head softly.

    "How are you holding up Noah? Feeling any better?"

    I had spent most of my days back home sleeping off whatever pain I had. My body had slowly begun the process of healing itself up. I had spent most of my nights sleeping things out but that was about it. I had been tired most of my days but I had never even considered that it would be a thing much later when I got home. It had been incorrect for me to assume that all of my pain would go away when I had completely been eviscerated by some fucking souls. My leg was the slowest healer of them all. It hadn't even begun to heal now. My arms were completely tired. It was as if they had been stretched to the paint where I could no longer feel them anymore. I tried to move them but they didn't move. My whole body felt like it was going to fall apart.

    He held me closer to me. Dean smiled as he held me closer to him. My arms moved up to my shoulders. He held me closer to him. He looked me over as he held me closer to him and smiled at me as he played with my soft hair that was as he locked eyes with me. My own eyes locked eyes with his. I smiled at him. He held me closer to him and rocked me back and forth. He smiled more as he walked me over to James who looked as confused as ever, head in his hands.

    He was crying and I could see it. The sparkling water underneath him showed me as much. James lifted his head and locked eyes with him as me moved closer to him. I sighed a little bit as I moved closer to him, placing his arms on his chest. He locked eyes with me as I moved closer to him. He smiled up at me with soft eyes. All he could do was smile at me as he got up and moved over to him. He smiled at me as he moved closer to him to see what he was making. He pulled a half-eaten sandwich out the fridge and munched on it.