The Lonely King (Book 1 of the Shadows, Roses and Ice Trilogy)

Chapter Four

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Dante's POV

"What's on your mind?" Gavina asked me as we danced, her usual seductive tone now more soft and worried.

I closed my eyes. She had been asking me this question for years and even if I did tell her she would never understand. Gavina was beautiful, and compassionate when she wanted to be, but she was also selfish and reckless. Sleeping with her and playing this little game of a love affair didn't make anything different. She wasn't my mate and the truth was she was a distraction at the most.

"Don't worry about it," I told her, averting her eyes.

Her delicate hand tilted my chin back to her. "Dante, please, tell me."

I looked into her familiar blue eyes and for some reason all I could picture was Amabelle's big brown horrified ones. The way her bottom lip trembled and her wolf crying of aching hurt and fear.

My eyes shut again, feeling the guilt and shame once more.

"GET OUT! LEAVE!"

Despite the pleading of my wolf to stop, to calm myself, the anger and jealousy from earlier fried my logical thinking. It didn't help that she had come into my private study, a place no one except me had ever been in.

"But Dante I-" She begged, her eyes so wide with fright and confusion that part of me wished I hadn't gone looking for her in the first place.

"I SAID GET OUT! GET OUT!"

She fled from me, her shoulder just barely touching me as she ran. It took everything in me to keep from running after her, to tell her that I was sorry, and that I would never scare her again.

But I didn't.

I took out my emotions instead upon my writing desk, flipping it from it's wall. I took my journal entries and trashed them in the fire. Then I snuck into Xavier's hold of liquor, where I told him to put all the alcohol. It was selfish of me to use our alcohol for my personal substance abuse, but after so many years I began to wonder if by sharing the supply would cause it to decrease into extinction.

Once I had drank at least half the bottle, I went back to the ballroom where Gavina was waiting for me.

Opening my eyes again, I felt all the guilt in my throat. Guilt piled on guilt. Not just Amabelle, but all the times I had hurt someone.

My hands fell from Gavina and I took a step away from her. "I can't."

She was hurt, pure pain was in her crystalized eyes. But it dissolved into fury like grease sizzling on a grill.

"You always shut me out, Dante, why?" She pleaded still trying to be civil.

I knew that if she had been talking to anyone else, she would have already lashed out at them. What was more shameful of me was that I took advantage of this constantly, just so I didn't sleep alone in my bed.

"Dante," Gavina whispered, her hand interlocked with mine.

I took a long look at her and felt absolutely nothing.

"I'll see you later on tonight," I promised, and left her on the dance floor.

Even though I couldn't confide in her, there was someone I could confide in. That person was Xavier. He was my best friend and had been before this dreadful curse had even been upon us. We grew up together, fought together, celebrated together and learned together. He always knew what to say and what to do, in all honesty I wished I was more like him.