Warrior Cats x Reader

Graystripe x Hairless!Reader ~ Always Have, Always Will

WARNING: This chapter deals with difficult themes of bullying, depression, and suicide. If this makes you uncomfortable or may trigger you, please feel free to skip it. Reader discretion is advised.

For FluffyDinosuars101.

The day started like any other day, but that was no consolation. The sun shone down on the camp, the forest was as lush green as ever, but it all looked dull to you. Waking up to the melodies of songbirds wasn't a luxury like it was to the others. Each day was a mountain to climb: one that you'd always end up at the bottom of no matter how high you climbed.

Most cats tried to hide their stares, but the endless sea of watchful eyes burned like the green-leaf sun on your bare skin. You weren't deaf either; you heard them talk, wonder, judge. The kits would always ask the same questions.

"What happened to all your fur?"

"Were you in a fire?"

"Why do you look like that?"

"Are you cold?"

It was just natural curiosity--you knew that--but it was exhausting. Not to mention the insults. They didn't know any better. But was that the first thing that went through every cat's head when they saw you? Sometimes you'd hear their mothers explaining your condition to them with an air of disgust or detachment. It was like you weren't even one of them.

Worse were the apprentices. They knew how to make it stick. They'd tease and taunt until some cat with more sense told them to stop--or to at least keep it between themselves. 

So the day started like any other. You stretched, padded out of the den, and spotted the dawn patrol returning. Your eyes lit up at the sight of your best friend amongst them; Graystripe met your eye for a heartbeat before ducking his head. It stung, but it wasn't a new occurrence. You'd noticed him avoiding your eye as of late. Was he ashamed to know you? Disgusted to see you? 

As long as you'd known him, he'd been the only cat to show you genuine kindness. Firestar had taken to standing up for you too as Graystripe's friend and a leader, putting mouthy apprentices on elders duty and such. You appreciated that in turn, but Graystripe was special. He was the only cat you ever loved.

Now he might be slipping away from you. 

That was more than you could handle. Without him, there was no one who loved you, no one who would miss you. Your own parents had disowned you. No one would mourn. So you kept your head down like any other day, eventually slipping out through the gorse tunnel of camp when all eyes were--for once--elsewhere. 

The river was beautiful like any other day too--glistening under the sun, crashing against the rocks, raging amid the gorge below. You'd imagined it this way before. Maybe you would drift downstream, beyond the territory. Maybe no one would have the displeasure of finding you. But it was harder than that. 

You didn't want to die, not really: you wanted to live, you wanted to love, you just wanted to be someone else. You wanted to be normal. You thought you were ready, but here you were. Something was holding you back. Fear? Hope? No... it was the sound of pawsteps.

You heard the familiar voice of Graystripe calling your name, a sound you had missed dearly recently. But now his voice was full of concern, and you felt ashamed. "What are you--?"

He didn't finish, and he didn't need to. As if the stars had willed it so, the rock beneath your paws crumbled and the ground gave way. For a heartbeat, you felt weightless. The last thing you saw before disappearing over the ledge was Graystripe's yellow eyes filled with desperation.