Dysfunctional (Sequel to Soft Whispers)

Us

"How do you feel?" Dr. Hayes asked as I sat across from her.

Like I want to die.

I watched her write something down before looking at me. "I'm guessing Prozac isn't helping?"

I shook my head.

No, it's not.

She sighed, "want me to take you off of it?"

Yeah, but I don't want to be prescribed a different pill. I don't want anymore antidepressants.

"Why not?"

I don't want to take something for nothing. Antidepressants aren't working, I don't want to take something that isn't helping me.

"Bria, I don't think it's a good idea not to be on an antidepressant of some sort. Your depression is going to get worse if you're not at least taking something".

Dr. Hayes, please. Even if you continue to prescribe me an antidepressant, I won't take it. The only way I will is if it's a handful that will kill me.

Bria, I think you should stay on Prozac, it's better than being on nothing.

'But it's not helping me in any way. I don't understand why I should still be prescribed to take something if it doesn't help'.

I know.

But please.

>>*<<

"Hey" Chresanto greeted as he walked into my room. I had been up here all day and wouldn't come out at all, only if it was for food or to use the bathroom of course.

I was bundled up in my blankets, I gave him a weak wave before turning over. I was tired and he had arrived right when I was dozing off.

I could hear Chresanto moving around my room, he wasn't loud or anything, but I knew he was there. "I guess I caught you at a bad time" he spoke quietly.

I rolled over and looked at him. He smiled at me. I closed my eyes. It was quiet for a minute or two, then I felt the bed shift. I opened my eyes and found Chresanto sitting on the edge, he had taken off his shoes.

I reached over and picked up the marker that was on my nightstand, I wrote on the board: do you want to lay with me?

"If you want me to".

Yeah, come on.

He carefully climbed over me and got underneath the blankets. I moved closer to him and he responded by taking me into his arms.

"Did you see Dr. Hayes today?"

I nodded.

"Sorry, you were trying to sleep before I came in and you probably still are, so I'll be quiet".

I shook my head a little. I liked hearing him talk.

Talk to me, please.

"Okay, what do you want me to talk to you about?"

Anything.

"Wow, okay, anything is such a broad topic. Do you know that anything could be anything?"

I giggled at his question and nodded.

"A person can be anything, you know? Like they could be a doctor, or a teacher, or happy".

I see what you did there.

"I had to".

Mhm.

"New topic or keep going on about anything?"

New topic: cats.

"Why cats?"

I don't know.

"Okay, well, cats are pretty cool. I don't have one, don't want one either. They come in different colors and breeds and they make noises and yeah. Cats".

I smiled.

Topic: high school.

"Ah, the place where bad grades and panic attacks live. High school's difficult".

Topic: eyes.

"Eyes are pretty. I have boring eyes, they're just brown. Nothing great".

That's not true. Brown eyes are pretty, especially in the sunlight. A lot of people forget that.

"Oh, yeah, you're right. I like eyes, I especially like your eyes".

Topic: life.

"Ah, hmm... Life. Life is hard, and complicated, and weird... But at the same time it's easy, and simple, and fun. You live life the way you want to live life".

Cancer sticks.

"Cancer sticks... I like them, they're nice to smoke, and they can kill you, but almost anything can kill you; so I remind myself not to be afraid to smoke one".

You.

"Me?"

I nodded.

Yeah, you.

"Oh".

It was silent as he began to think to himself.

"I'm me, and I don't particularly know if that's a good thing or not, but I believe it is, so I'll say it is".

Me.

"You, I could go on and on about you; but I'll keep it short; I like you. You're a nice you".

Us.

"I don't want us to end".