Dysfunctional (Sequel to Soft Whispers)

Falling

I'm falling.

I'm not slipping anymore.

I woke up and the feeling was still there. The feeling that I wanted to die. Even as I lay comfortably on Chresanto, I still felt it; and I knew it wasn't going to go away.

I closed my eyes tight and tried to force the feeling away. I have no idea why I thought this was going to work. My fingers pulled the blanket farther up my back, my tank top was serving me no warmth at all.

I continued to keep my eyes shut tight as I listened to Chresanto's heartbeat. It was a nice calm thumping sound. He gently stirred in his sleep and his hand rested on the small of my back.

I opened my eyes and wondered how the hell this happened. How in the hell did I end up dating him? How in the hell did I end up loving him? And the biggest question of all, how in the hell did he love me?

I'm so damn hard to love, like... How can he put up with all my insecurities and my self harm, and scars? And my suicide attempt?

He suddenly hummed and I lifted my head and he opened his eyes.

"What're you thinking about?" He asked in a low tone, he used his free hand to rub at his eyes. He groaned softly as he fully awoke from his previous sleeping state.

I shook my head a bit.

"What time is it?"

I looked at my clock.

9:23

He was late, again.

"I'm not going, not after what happened last night" he explained, "I want to make sure you're okay".

I looked at him.

"I feel like you're staring into my soul, your eyes are so big".

I smiled at what he said.

>>*<<

"No, she's fine" Ray stated, he was on the phone. I didn't know who he was talking to exactly. "She just had a bad night".

I have a bad life. 

Bri.

'Right, yeah, sorry'.

You say sorry too much.

'Yeah?'

Yeah.

"I'll see you after school" Ray spoke. "I love you, too".

He was talking to Jordan. He hung up and placed his phone in his pocket. I continued to look at him as he messed with his hair.

"Mom and dad are going to ask about Chres" he informed.

Chresanto looked at me, I was laying next to him on the couch. We were watching Finding Nemo because it was the only good thing that was on at the moment.

I shrugged a little.

I honestly didn't care if my parents asked about him.

"I think they know that he never left last night".

I shrugged again.

"You don't care at all?"

I shook my head. I fixed my gaze on the tv and cuddled into Chresanto's warm embrace. He causally brushed his fingers against my arm every once in a while.

I watched as Dory swam beside Marlon and sang 'just keep swimming, just keep swimming'.

"You should do that" Chresanto suddenly stated, "you should just keep swimming".

I nodded, he was right. I should just keep swimming.

>>*<<

God, I could jump right now.

My fingers felt the smooth surface of the railing and I looked down from the tall bridge.

I could just jump. Right. Now.

I allowed both of my hands to grip tightly onto the rail. It was cold against my palms for a few seconds, then the coldness faded away and I felt nothing but the rail.

I peeked over the side and saw the water that was down below. It wasn't that far down, but it was far enough that you could possibly not survive the jump. I bit my lip lightly as I peeked over some more.

God, it could all be over so soon.

If I just... Climb.

I placed a foot on the base of the railing, then the other.

Bria.

Stop it.

Stop it right now.

I held tightly onto the bar, I was shaking slightly. I shook my head a bit and I was going to get down, but someone did it for me. They wrapped their arms around my waist and pulled me back abruptly, my hands lost their grip on the bar and I felt both relieved and sad at the same time.

"I'm taking you home and I'm never going to let you go on a walk again" Chresanto stated, the amount of seriousness in his voice let me know that he wasn't lying to me.

I squirmed against his grip and tried to get him to let me go, but nothing worked. He kept me close to him as he carried me down the sidewalk. "You aren't getting away. I'm carrying you all the way home. I ought to get you a damn leash" he rambled.

I rolled my eyes and listened to him anyway. "When I said that you've got to keep swimming, I didn't mean like that" he murmured. "You know I didn't mean it like that".

I crossed my arms over my chest.

"Don't take some of my words so literal" he added.

He walked down the sidewalk as a few cars passed by. Was he really going to walk all the way to my house while carrying me?

>>*<<

"Who was the boy that came over last night?" My mom asked curiously.

I looked at her.

Chresanto.

"Oh... Okay. Is he your friend or?"

He's my boyfriend.

"You have a boyfriend?" My dad asked.

I nodded.

"How old is he?"

Seventeen.

"How long have you been dating?" 

It's been a month now, I believe.

"Oh" my dad said quietly. 

"How come you didn't tell us about him?"

You didn't ask, so I didn't tell.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Sorry for any mistakes.