Found You

Olivia: Part 1

Sometimes I wonder I think way too much. It had been almost a year since I had moved to New Kent County, VA and I still couldn't seem to get used to this space that I had been living in for almost 365 days of my life which most people would believe is more than enough of a time period to acclimatize to this Virginia air. Well, I suppose it's not just I who can't adjust to this unusual environment that I have been subjected to, but others have a mutual feeling as well, I guess they can't seem to adjust to my introverted-not so cool-unaware self that I am. Over the year there's just Hallie, a friend of mine who has been with me, the ONLY friend of mine to be precise or at least she is the only one who thinks I'm not weird which was news to me when I actually heard the words come out of her mouth. "people may think you are weird but is it weird that I have the exact opposite opinion?" That's what she said when we first met, and we have been friends ever since.

Hallie Edward Foster and I actually live just a few blocks away from each other which is another reason why she is one of the very few people I talk to on a daily basis. Her spectrum is a whole new world from what mine is. She is quite popular at school and it's not like anyone judges her or despises her. She's into cheer-leading, she practically lives for coffee (Well I do too), she is totally into new trends and all that hipster shit; the list would just keep going on if I don't stop here right now so I will. Hallie once told me: "It's not that people think you are weird Olivia, that is just what you want to believe." Well maybe that's true, maybe it is what I want to believe, even I can't stand how Shitty I can be at times. My weekdays are spent at 'Blue River High,' a prestigious institution I have had the pleasure to be accepted to, but as the summer break is going on I've had a lot of free time.

Even though I study half of the time I'm still left with a lot of time to spare. I do have plans today though, I have to pick up Hallie from her Theater class and then we'll go shopping together. Hallie is invited to a party which is tomorrow night, Hazel Reed, the most popular girl in school is hosting it and it is all what Blue River High had talked about since Summer had commenced. Hallie wanted me to come but parties aren't really my thing, not for now at least so I declined very politely. She did not protest so that made things a little easy for me. We had to pick an outfit for her to wear tomorrow which had been perturbing her, but I believed we would find something.

I picked Hallie up from her Ballet class at 2:00 PM and we were headed straight to 'Amour Boutique,' a place Hallie and I always went to when she needed a top-notch outfit.

"You got anything particular in mind?" I asked.

" I got no clue," she replied, which didn't come as a surprise. She really loses it whenever it comes to her doing a job which includes "picking" something out and believe me it could be anything.

We went through some outfits, a few of which she tried on and to be honest I don't even understand why she was freaking out when she looked stunning wearing every single one of them, but we finally settled for a baby pink Sequin top and a black high waisted mini skirt with slits and a pair of stilettos. 

"You really won't come tomorrow will you?" Hallie asked me on our way home.

"You know I can't, the last time you made me go to a party I almost passed out,"

"You know you can't use that excuse forever Miss Olivia White, you eventually would have to get over your feeling of Uneasiness that you always feel when you are in a crowded space. It's not THAT serious, I mean we can't even go all the way and call it Agoraphobia!" She really was serious. I was surprised, she must've done some research on that word.

"I know but I will for now," I said. She didn't say anything further, there was disappointment in her eyes, she had seen me freak out so she knew exactly what I would be getting myself into if I were to be forced into a situation of this sort.

I reached home by 6:00 PM after dropping Hallie off. Mom was still not home from work so I decided to cook dinner, for which I settled for a spinach and ricotta ravioli and an avocado salad.

Mom was home in a few hours. We ate our dinner and then I helped her do the dishes.

"Haille told me you won't be going to the party?" my mom asked.

"Well yeah.." I replied.

" You know you don't really have to be soo hard on yourself, you have changed a lot since...", I cut her off,

" I haven't changed a bit mom, You don't have to bring dad into this conversation. I really just feel uncomfortable in crowded spaces that's all and I'm trying to get over it I promise so please don't worry."

"okay" is all she said. 

I could feel the emptiness in her voice, it was almost as empty as mine. I knew how she felt, that feeling when you really hope everything would work out for you after whatever you have experienced and no matter how bad it was, you hope you'll get over it but there's still this fear that you never will. Do these imprints that some incidents leave on your mind scar you for life? I would go as far to pray that they do not. I hope not. Yes, it has been a Year since I moved to Virginia from Tennessee but it has also been a Year since my dad passed away in a car accident. We were supposed to move here together, everything was supposed to be perfect. Ever since I moved here, I just can't shake this sense of emptiness away, it's like a void that can never be filled, a puzzle piece missing from the whole picture, it's a road that has led me to a dead end. It's like I'm falling in an endless pit of nothingness.

I've somehow come to realize time only flies when you do not want it to but when you do, it just stops, comes to a dead and timeless halt. Life is unfair in such parameters. My mom and dad first met here in Virginia, though they moved to Tennessee after getting married just being present in a space (though extremely vast) where they first met, now appears uncanny to me. I don't really know where and how exactly did they meet in Virginia, was that place close to where we reside? Neither mom nor dad had exactly told me how they had met so this area was nothing more than a mystery to me as well and I guess it will remain the same.
I quietly went into my room and drifted off to a deep slumber.