I swear I know your face (but I don't know who you are)

chapter 18

She needed it.

She needed it for a long time but fear and inadequacy caused by the choices she had made, had prevented her more than once to cross that gate, and when she did a shiver ran down her spine.

She paused just for a moment, wrapping her fingers around the bouquet of flowers she had in her hands, taking a deep breath. She felt her throat close and her eyes were now wet with unshed tears.

She began walking again and every step seemed to resound in her ears like miles while she shortened the distance. She stopped in front of that piece of marble that was glistening in the early morning light and she smiled at the sight of the letters.

“Hi.” she whispered, kneeling on the ground. “It's been a long time since we last spoke, hah?” she asked. “I regret not having come before, I couldn't, I hope you can forgive me.” she continued placing the flowers on the ground.

Camila ran her gaze all around her, noticing the many headstones that stood silent in the cemetery and she smiled sadly, feeling guilty once again for not going to visit her father sooner.

“Happy birthday, Daddy.” she murmured. “I miss you so much.” she continued in a broken voice. “And I think about you every day, every day, Dad.”

She stopped trying to control her tears; she touched the tombstone and she traced the outlines of his name with the tip of her fingers, smiling slightly while the vivid memory of Alejandro's face came back to her mind.

His fair hair, his sweet smile and his eyes the same as hers.

She still remembered the loving way he had always held her, the way he had always done everything to make her feel safe despite the normal misunderstandings that characterized the adolescent age.

“I feel so alone and lost.” she said. “And I need one of your advices and your embrace. I need to hear you say that everything will be fine and be safe in your arms, Daddy.” 

She was silent for a long time, watching the smiling photo of her father, looking at the big golden letters that made up her surname, wondering why for so long she was afraid of going to visit him. She cursed herself for being away for so long.

She did even not bother when slight drizzle began to come down. She put her hands to her face and finally she dropped down all the barriers that she had turned up in those years. Her body started to shaken and the sobs broke the silence of the place, while the memories were beginning to invade her mind.

* alejandro's eyes were shining with emotion and they immediately searched for her daughter, who was sat on the couch, her guitar on her legs, playing a little clumsy the chords of their song.

But when she opened her mouth to sing, alejandro was enraptured by the beauty of her voice and he took a few steps toward the couch, sitting at her side, his heart filled with love. He watched camila move her fingers on the strings trying her best to avoid mistakes.

“Then I kiss your eyes and thank God we're together, I just want to stay with you in this moment forever, forever and ever.”

Alejandro sang with her, encouraging her with a smile, proud that she had learned to play the guitar alone. Camila smiled and kept moving her fingers, making sure the tunes were right, her fingertips started to sore from the constant rubbing across the strings.

“Don't want to close my eyes, I don't want to fall asleep 'Cause I'd miss you baby and I don't want to miss a thing.” Camila sang moving her head with the rhythm. “'Cause even when I dream of you, the sweetest dream will never do I'd still miss you baby and I don't want to miss a thing.”