mental health hospital || ethan

31 || his notebook

I read the title

SCARLET

This girl ...... she's something else . She makes me happy and actually cared about , she makes me feel loved when I feel like I'm forgotten . I want to be with her , I really do but I don't deserve her . She's too fragile , too delicate . She makes people so happy and cares about them regardless if they don't know each other . She has a kind and warm heart . Any time I see her my eyes shine at the sight of her . She's so gorgeous. Her flowy soft hair , her brown beautiful eyes that I love looking into , her sweet high voice , her amazing lips that look so kissable, her amazing eyebrows, her cute nose , her adorable little freckles and her stunning dimples . I'm whipped but don't show it . She's got me hooked yet I keep it all in because I don't want to look weak catching feelings for people . I'm scared they'll leave me or hurt me or take my feelings for granted . im ignoring scarlet right now because I don't want to hurt her , I'm dangerous. I've had one girlfriend before , she was fake . She fucked around with my feelings and acted like she cared about me when behind my back she was opening her legs for lots of boys when I didn't know , when I was suffering with Alex because we were getting bullied while she was here having the time of her life with different boys . I felt hurt when I found out she wasn't actually into me or even liked me , she cheated on me multiple times . Since then I've never let a girl get close until I met scarlet. She found her way in and I let her , I'm scared . I'm broken . I've been bullied , my twin brother died , my parents didn't give a shit about me and still don't , my friends were all fake , my girlfriend was fake , I've been lied to , I've been told that people were gonna be there for me but are they ? I'm left alone . Alex left me . He was my everything thing , my bestfriend. I loved him with all my heart and more , I still do . I miss him so fucking much , you wouldn't understand. I need him . I need you Alex . I need the only person who was there for me , who stuck by me , who was real and who cared for me . The one I could turn to , the one who always had my back , the one I could cry on , the one who would give me the best hugs ever . I hope Alex doesn't leave my life like everyone else , I need someone because I can't do this alone . I don't even know how I survived through this

- Ethan

I was crying

The way he felt made my heart hurt

He's been through hell and back and survived it all

He's a strong person

He was hurt to , lied to , been told that people would be there for him but they all left in the end

I want to be there for him , I want to protect him , I want to keep him feeling cared for and loved

I want to mend him , I want to be there for him because he's broken and needs someone

He's broken and I want to fix him