Online Secret (A Phan Fiction) [Wattys 2014]

Chapter 22: The Only Place Where They'll Never Find Me

A/N: Bring out a Pack of Tissues... I cried when writing this so just a fair warning...

Chapter 22: The Only Place Where They'll Never Find Me

Dan's P.O.V:

I was at the rooftop of the apartment as I guess no one will find me there. When I went up, I barricade it with some fallen bricks of the walls. I checked if my plan worked and it did as I saw Phil and Ellie running outside. I know this will be the last place they will find me as most people think I just ran outside. I watched the night sky as that will be my final night. After all, no one wants to be with me anyway. I didn't want to do this but if it's the only way to keep Phil happy, I have to do it. I read fan fictions about me dying so I at least got an idea on how this will go.

I had to hide though as the entire city of London have helicopters and the police trying to find me. They even have guards in the apartment so there is no point for me going back down. There are guards looking at the main entrance and all the people living in the apartment were asked to leave. I heard Phil was the one who called for help but he didn't have to do that. I was on my way to leave him. I still have the box with the Lion ring in it as a reminder that I can't have him.

Tears started to fall from my eyes as I started to stand on the ledge. I held on to one of the walls that connects to the chimney of one of the apartments as I take a deep breath. Just one push.... Just one can end it all. But as I was about to do it, a spotlight lit above me.

"We Found him Task force one... Daniel James Howell has been located!" said the helicopter. "Tell Officer Helia that Daniel James Howell has been located!"

Oh Great... They have found me! I have to do this fast. Suddenly, the door was bust open by the Police Force. They have their guns pointed at me like I have done a crime. But their leader told them to drop their weapons as it will just make me want to fall down.

"Mr Howell... I order you to stop and go down from that ledge" said the officer.

"No" I said.

"Mr Howell, I have a daughter and she will hate me if you die" said the another officer.

"Yeah... The world wants me to stay for their kids but WHO WILL BE THERE FOR ME?" I asked. "I'm always told to hold on, just keep on going or stay for us as they give me letters. But guess what... right now... None of those means s*** to me right now! I have to stay because I make the world happy, yet I have no one who makes me happy!"

"But you can't just jump! Do what you have to do that makes you happy as we have one life" said the other police officer. "Isn't that what you told your fans?".

"And this will make me happy! Making my best friend happy with his wife, letting the girls who were attracted to me continue fulfilling their dreams and my brother to finally having a normal life!" I said. "I would love to explain it to you officer but you won't understand".

"But I will" said Phil as he arrived along with James, Adrian, Liana and Ellie.

"Phil what are you doing?" I asked.

"Please stay" Phil asked.

"Why? So that Ellie can hate on me more? So that Liana and Adrian can have more distractions in their life?" I asked. "I am the reason why Adrian can't post certain things anymore online, I'm the reason why Liana was SOOO close on missing out her trip to Amsterdam and I'm the reason why your marriage can't work with Ellie!".

"Dan... Don't tell me you..." said Ellie.

"Yes Eliana! I love Phil but I can't have him because of you!" I said.

All the officers, Liana, Ellie and Adrian were in shock with their eyes wide open. That was unexpected for them but for Phil, he was smiling a bit. Ellie saw it and slapped him on the face. I knew this wasn't going to end well. I have to leave fast before things gets even worse! A placed my left foot slightly near the edge but Adrian saw my slight movement and told me to stop.

"What now?" I asked.

"Don't move please!" cried Adrian. "You don't have to do this!"

"Didn't you see what Ellie did to Phil, or what social media has done to you or what happened to Liana recently? I ruin lives! I can't be around! Why can't you see that?" I asked.

"You don't ruin lives Daniel! You chose not to hurt others!" said Phil. "Your videos shows that. You help others to live through their lives by showing that they are not alone! And your personality, you get out of your way to help them rather than yourself!".

"Then what about me then?" I asked. "Who would give their time for me? I'm tired of being this Winnie the Pooh reincarnation who has to smile to everything! I've been doing that s*** since High School goddamit! Where's my happiness?".

"Dan, what about the people you'll leave behind?" asked Liana. "What about them?".

Phil's P.O.V:

Dan looked down as he as he knew that Liana had a point. I still remembered what I've learnt in my Psychology course back in university so I now tried to put two and two together to figure out what's going on in Dan's mind. There was now a lot of media attention by this time on front of our apartment, the police is surround the area and now tones of fans now know where we live. So Dan did also have a point, he can also ruin lives. He just destroyed and lost his privacy just because we didn't want him to step of the roof.

Dan looked down as the bright light of the helicopters were shining below him. He saw the amount of people willing to convince Dan to stay. Even our phones won't stop buzzing as they wont stop tweeting Dan to stay. But if Dan's stays, it will be the normal boring routine for him. He will have nobody to be with, no one to make him smile, no one to love.

Love...

Was Love causing this? Was his search for his perfect companion causing him to act this way? Dan brought something out of his pocket as he still clings to life and death. It was in a rectangular shape, a card like figure... The Knight of Wands! Was I the one? Was I the one who should make a huge impact in his life? The one who is easy to love and hate? I looked back throughout our times together, the first meeting, the halloween party, the trips, the collabs, our bond and experiences... was I the one? I then remembered Dan saying that he loved me after our night together. He was on top of me, he kissed me and said those four words.

I love you Phil...

Dan loved me on that day. But not only on that day, but in the past as well! He bought those rings as he planned to proposed to me but my love for Ellie got in the way of his intentions. When he tackled me after singing Happy Little Pill, when he stood there as we wave Liana goodbye, when he tried to not mention Ellie, all of those had a reason. Not only because he's clinging on to a best friend but his search for answers, his question in his mind, who will be there for him.

I never had a best friend for the first 18 years...

His internet support group video wasn't the first time heard this but when he turned 19. We had a party together with his family. Adrian was still 11 and not many people were started going crazy for us. When the cake arrived, Dan blowed the candles as his mum was recording it. Adrian asked what he wished for, like any 11 year old child would do. But Dan didn't wish for anything. He said on front of us "I don't need a wish to be honest. My wish has already been granted". He didn't tell us what he wished for and nobody knew what he meant by saying that.

Nobody knew...

...Till now