State of Mind

Chapter 9

...Harm is to come...be wary of those around you...things do not happen as you want, TAKE CONTROL...

What does that mean? That one sentence kept making an appearance in my nightmare. It's said by an ominous voice and I saw nothing but black. Then, images of the gruesome scene of my family's murder flash into my head after those words are spoken.

Just leave it, Ava, I think to myself.

When thoughts like this happen to pop into my head on repeat, I often pay no mind to it. I have better things to do than to pester myself with this. Even though according to Redd it's not "healthy", I have a job to do and I simply don't have time to focus on it.

I reside at home on my couch, drifting through the different channels for something to watch. A knock on the door brings me out of my mental trance. I get up to open the door.

"Dante? What are you doing here?" I say surprised.

"I'm here to talk to you, may I come in?" he asks.

"Yeah sure," I say dreadingly.

I have a feeling I already knew the context of his visit but I truly do not have the energy for it. I sit back on the couch and shut the TV off. Dante sits on the armchair across from me leaning forward.

"So, what's wrong?" I ask.

"I don't know, why don't you tell me," he says.

"What do you mean?" I ask trying to avoid the conversation.

"Redd and I had a very interesting talk earlier today. You know what I'm referring too, right?" He says condescendingly.

Sadly I do know what he is referring too. Although I consider Dante a close friend, sometimes I feel like he's a replica of my father. He's always talking to me about how I should "take care of myself" and I've told him to lay off but he can't seem to help himself.

"Dante you have to stop acting like my father. I'm fine really," I say assuring him.

"I don't think the description of your recent nightmares is fine, Ava," he says.

"They'll go away eventually. Then everything will be fine, so can we just leave it alone?" I say.

"These things don't just go away on their own Ava. You've been saying this for years, I'm just worried about you, " he says in distraught.

I sigh in response to his worries. My father's will stated the one thing I wanted to hear which was that he had handed the business over to me. However, my father had "conditions" put in his will. These "conditions" stated that if I didn't get help for my anger issues that the business will be given to Dante. My father was already very aware of my underlying mental issues and knew they could interfere with me taking over the family business.

I seemed to inherit many of my issues from my mother's side. My mother struggled with intense post-partum depression and PTSD, along with my grandfather struggling with depression as well. During my adolescence, I was diagnosed with depression. Over time, my depression seemed faded into intense anger and then along came my severe anger issues. Since then, I haven't dealt with it in the best way.

I look at Dante with empathy. 

"What do you want me to do Dante?" I say in despair.

"I wish you would take care of yourself more. You can't hide this forever, you need to face it... " he says softly.

"Don't..." I say, halting him from finishing.

"I would appreciate it if you and Redd both would stop discussing MY problems. Got it?" I say harshly.