faded

64.0 - i do

~

I try not show my discomfort. It's unnecessary, ridiculous even. But I can't shake the fact that someone that seems to have been such a big part of Zayn's life was not mentioned to me, not even once over the course of our relationship. It makes me question what else he is hiding.

"He never mentioned her." I finally let out, more for myself than Stefani. I avoid her eyes, scared of seeing what I fear she thinks of me.

"I wouldn't take it personally, sweetheart." she coos softly. "I'm sure he had his reasons."

I nod before she continues. "And if I am correct about the slight jealousy I am sensing, I wouldn't worry about it. Lizzy and Zayn have always considered each other brother and sister."

The blush that clouds my cheeks after that makes me look away from my mother in laws amused gaze. "He loves you so very much, Anastasia. I've never seen him this way. You can trust me when I say you have nothing to worry about."

Her warm hand comes to the back of my cool one, giving it a light assuring squeeze. When I look back up at her, the look on her face is one of pure warmth and honesty and reassurance. It is a look a mother would give a worrying child, one I myself have been deprived of my whole life up until this moment.

"Okay." I say, a bit defeated but believing her.

"These last couple of days have just been a bit... overwhelming." I confess.

"I know, darling. I know." she turns my hand over so that our palms touch and then gives it another squeeze. "But it'll get better. Just promise me you'll put an effort towards putting yourself more out there; enjoying yourself. The only thing that can hold you back, is you."

I take her words into consideration, beginning to reflect on my mood earlier in the day. This is a time to be happy, to be excited. Not to be dwelling on something I have no control over or what might just turn out to only be in my head. All this time, I've been telling myself I need to do this for Cara, and at times even for Kristen. But if I don't do this for myself, if I don't make an effort just as Stefani said, everything they have been helping me get towards would all be for nothing.

"I will." I find my voice being stronger than I expected it to be. "I promise." She smiles brightly at that. "Good."

Her hand stays in mine as we settle into a comfortable silence and I smile before going back to looking out the window. The driver turns the volume up the slightest when the next song comes on and I take notice of the open areas beginning to get smaller and smaller and less and less green. We enter the wealthy neighborhood and soon after, the large estate I have yet to grow use to that would put my childhood home to shame.

My nerves begin to gather as we drive down the long gravel driveway, my stomach turning and palms beginning to sweat. They only escalate even more when the gravel becomes concrete and the car makes a turn around the fountain. I feel Stefani's other hand come over the back of the one she is already holding, relaxing me so much more than I expected that I don't even dread on the slight embarrassment of her holding my newly sweaty hand. Instead, I find myself giving her an appreciative smile; a thank you.

The driver puts the car to a stop once we are in front of the marble steps, immediately getting out to open Stefani's door. "Thank you, Travis. You can leave the bags by the front door and then go get ready. Mrs. Malik will be getting out this door as well."

The man nods, helping Stefani out before going to get the bags from the trunk.

" Get ready for what?" I ask once outside the car. Stefani turns to me, adjusting her coat before offering her hand.

"The wedding." she clears as I take hold of her hand again, a light blush coating my cheeks.

"The staff here with us today have been with us for several years, some since Cara was in diapers. It's only right they attend the wedding."

She turns to begin leading our way towards the home and misses my look of surprise.

It is strange to picture staff at a wedding for anything other than working. I don't know anyone from the families my father would have us associated with that would do such a thing. Maybe Melinda, but it depended on what the occasion was. But then again, all, including my family, were much more malicious than Stefani seems to be.

Travis does as told, leaving the bags from our shopping by the door and leaving immediately after a goodbye to Stefani and a nod with me. At that, Stefani and I are left alone in the foyer.

It is strange; how quiet the home is. It is the quietest it has ever been. Even when it was just Kristen, Cara and I, the girls had music playing at all times throughout the home if not a tv on.
Now in this silence, I am left to focus on the painful thrumming in my head; a combination from the hanger over and clashing with the bath tub, no doubt.

"There you go again." I hear suddenly. Snapping my head up, a little too quickly, I turn and see Stefani with an amused smile on her lips. I sigh, realizing I did it again.

"Ugh." I exasperate. "I'm sorry, I'm just... out of it this morning." I shut my eyes momentarily.

"Mmm." she hums, heels clicking with each step she takes my way. Her arms come around me, one over the shoulder and the other around my torso. I stiffen momentarily.

"It's still early. You didn't get a chance to eat, did you?" she asks.

I relax into her embrace a bit, trying my best to sync my strides with hers as we go up the steps so I won't topple us over.

"No." I answer simply, looking down at her heels and then at my sneakers.

"Well, let's take care of that. " she rubs my shoulder, leading the way through the door.

"How does that sound?" my brown eyes meet her green ones, and I finally feel myself relax. I smile and she offers me a seat on the marble island table.

"Sit, darling. Let's see if my cooking skills haven't gone down hill."

I laugh, watching with interest as she moves around the kitchen. Each one of her movements seem precise and elegant, but effortless at the same time. Her perfect blonde waves sway with each step and if she notices my hovering stare, she doesn't voice it. Instead, she only offers a smile here and there as she gathers the cooking utensils and ingredients she will need. ​

~

It makes her wonder how she must have been as Mother to Zayn growing up. If Anastasia has noticed anything about Stefani these limited times she has spent with her is that she has an impressive amount of patience. More than her, that's for sure. But she has also noticed that she is loving, nurturing, and kind. Everything she has ever wanted in a Mother, surely. And everything she never truly got from her Father.

"There you go again." she hears suddenly. "Off day dreaming. Tell me, what is it about this dreamland of yours?"

Anastasia breaks through her gaze and at Stefani, who is now smiling, clearly amused. She begins untying the elastic around the slice breads rapper, missing Anastasia's blush as she walks towards to get the apron hanging on the hook by the refrigerator.

"French Toast sound good to you?" Stefani asks before Anastasia can answer, tying the string part of the aprons into a bow behind her back.

"Sounds perfect." Ana answers, smiling as she reads the cliche print on the apron. Kiss the cook, she smiles.

"Good because its the only fucking thing I can truly remember how to cook." she laughs, Anastasia joining her.

"While I'm at it I'll make you something for that hang over you probably have."

"Please." Ana finds herself sighing too eagerly. Stefani smiles.

••••••••