izzy. // ybnfuneral

six

isaiah

after what felt like a slow and painful death, we had finally reached the street on which we lived on and i thanked God that he hasn't spoken, let alone look at me much during the car ride.

his presence was already intense enough.

suddenly,  i had the urge to look-- no, more like stare-- at nick, just so i can behold his face, and everything else, before we got out of the car. this urge was getting stronger, and made me feel as if i would never see him again after we stepped out of this vehicle.

as he parked the car in his driveway, i beheld him from the corner of my eye. his posture, his body language, the tattoos that dressed his lean, skinny arms--

quickly, in a millisecond, i looked away from him and out the window, blankly gazing at the several houses on this block and the next.

i cannot, i-i can't feel or act this way... not about a guy... and especially not about him.

my  internal struggle and arguments that were going inside my head suddenly made me more exhausted and drowsier than before, and i was more than ready to get in my bed.

nick had parked the car successfully, and took the keys out the ignition and opened the door, about to get out.

"wait." i blurted out.

nick stopped and turned to me with an arched eyebrow, his dreads hanging, covering half his face. i bit my lip and glanced at my backpack on the ground.

"thanks. f-for the r-ride." i said in a small voice. feeling extremely uncomfortable, i struggled a bit with the door handle and opened my side of the car, almost tripping over my backpack straps from rushing to get out.

nick didn't open his mouth, and just stared at me. that same blank but intimidating expression stuck on his face. after a few seconds, he nodded his head up at me, a silent 'you're welcome.'

quickly, i adjusted my strap and was ready to bolt across the street to my house, ready to be in the safety of my own room.

until i heard a door open and a voice call my name.

"oh isaiah!"

it was my mom's cheery voice. i stopped mid-step and turned around. i plastered a small, fake smile on my face. "mom...." i trailed off. "hey.." 

"hi honey! come inside real quick. i have to tell you something. i was going to tell you when you got home, but you're here! so come on." she motioned her hand inside the house, moving out of the way for nick to walk in.

i stood in place for a second, then hesitantly took one step at a time to the front door. i purposefully walked slow and gave my mom a pleading look that said "do i have to? can't you just tell me when you get back?" mom looked at me sympathetically, but still motioned her head inside anyways.

i groaned and walked through the doorway, accidentally brushing shoulders with her.

i stood off to the side, near the doorway, and fiddled with my hands. i felt too awkward to just go and have seat in their living room or kitchen, and i wanted to sit down but i was too afraid to ask.

"you know you can sit if you want right?" ms. joyette came from a different room. she spoke in a light joking voice.

i struggled to say something, so i just pursed my lips shut and nodded, giving her a tight-lipped smile and took a seat on the long couch and crossed my ankles.