We Are Infinite

s e v e n

m i a  /  s e v e n

I sit through another movie marathon with Dad, taking another bite of homemade pasta, as on-screen men fire shots at each other in the dark. Dad is intrigued, eyes glued to the action, while I wonder how long the duration of this movie is.

It's Monday night, and Dad and I are eating dinner in front of the TV. I finish up my pasta, then get up to leave my empty bowl in the sink. When I return, Dad raises his eyes from the TV, calls me to come back to watch. I smile at him weakly, throwing myself back onto the couch.

I can never say no to Dad these days, for fear of hurting his feelings.

I ignore the movie on screen, choosing instead to see where my thoughts take me.

Dad is a travel agent out in the city about twenty minutes from here, and a pretty renowned one. That is, until last years tragedy, which shook Dad to the core. It's why he's in such a fragile state, why he needs me around so much, why I'm afraid to hurt his feelings. I don't want Dad to go through anymore else. Life's been pretty cruel to him, already.

A loud ping from my phone interrupts me out of my thoughts, and I check my phone. It's a DM notification, from Kade Ryder. Opening Instagram, I tap onto his chat. This is pretty much what I've been doing for the past few days, and even though I never planned on this happening, it has. Kade Ryder and I seem to be becoming fast friends, but I'm not sure how I feel about this.

No one said that online friends were a bad thing, did they?

At the same time, though, there's no way for me to tell whether this is actually a real person, with a real account. Stranger danger, right? I've heard the stories.

Now, I furrow my brow as I read his latest DM.

You think parents always want the best for you

Or just want you to follow their dreams

My frown deepens a little, and my eyes flick upwards from my phone screen. I look over at Dad, watch the way the frown lines on his face clear as he smiles at the happy ending on-screen. I watch Dad as he switches the TV off, pulls me closer for a hug. I inhale deeply, breathing in his scent, his rough three-day-old stubble rough against my cheek.

I tell Dad that I'm going to bed, going to complete homework, but as soon as my bedroom door is shut behind me, I throw myself on my bed and take out my phone.

Opening up Instagram again, I think of Kade Ryder's question.

You think parents always want the best for you
Or only want you to follow their dream?

I think of Dad, and I know that whatever I'm going to tell Kade isn't going to be relating to his situation. Because his tone was annoyed, bordering on sideline angry, which could only mean that his parents were the latter. Or parent, if his family was like mine. Small, tiny, broken.

Meanwhile, my Dad has always been an amazing parent. Parents, actually, because he'd had to take over the duties of a mother as well. Dad would have won Best Dad Ever every damn year, that's for sure.

I tell Kade that personally, I think if a parent wants you to do something, their purest intention is in your best interests. Even if you know that something was a dream of theirs, and trying to pursue it through you definitely isn't always a correct method, but their most important wish is for you to be happy.

And I know I told Dad that I was going to complete homework, but as I talk to Kade Ryder, the minutes fly into an hour, two, even three. Eventually I fall asleep, my cheek resting on my pillow, fingers wrapped around my phone, homework still undone.

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