To Be Honest

Attitudes Make a Difference

Attitudes makes a difference.

Today I woke up with 10 minutes to get ready. My hair was terrible and oily, so I washed it.

Then I couldn't find anything to wear. All my clothes were dirty and so I started the day with a horrible morning. Feeling like I didn't want to be there, ignoring everyone.

My attitude was, they're fake, I don't want to see any of them cause they leave me out anyways. And I hate socializing, don't have the energy to today.

At another moment, 2 girls that I know really well were staring at me. I glared at them both.

The last thing I needed was for someone to judge me. I am sick and tired of them. They all stick together and are really good friends. The other thing was that my phone was dead. It never charged during the night so I was stuck with just listening to their conversations.

Now finally being home, I feel terrible. Why was I so full of myself? Why did I let my anger over take me?

Attitudes really make a difference. And now I am really upset with myself.

It didn't help that one of the girls was saying that she didn't feel bad for the people who don't bond or talk. She was saying that a girl in her council didn't bond with her and doesn't come anymore because she feels left out. She said she didn't feel bad at all because the girl never puts in the effort to even try.

WELL GUESS WHAT.

Maybe she feels like she can't trust anyone. Maybe she is someone that has a hard time socializing, that wants friends and to get to know you but is scared and feels like she doesn't belong, but wants to belong, wants to be apart of it. Wants to get to know you. And maybe she is someone that is hard to get to know, it's just part of HER FREAKEN PERSONALITY.

Sorry. 

I am just upset because I was LITERALLY standing right there when she said that and it felt like it was pointed more towards me.

I guess I really was right about all of them.

Like I have said before, I have a hard time letting people into my life, I have a hard time trusting others. Right there I literally wanted to cry.

There I was, standing next to them all and they were all together in a circle talking and laughing.

I'm sorry that I don't bond with you! I'm sorry that I have such a hard time expressing myself and sharing how I feel!
I'm sorry I have such a hard time trusting others!
I'm sorry that I put up a shield around myself blocking you out, pushing you away!

I never meant to, it just happened without me even trying. I guess there is a reason why I am like this..

I feel terrible for the way I acted today. I am accountable for my actions and I shouldn't have acted the way I did, the way I have. Today has just been terrible.

But let me just say: You have the power to change your LIFE at any given MOMENT. NEVER FORGET THAT!

Even though today was terrible and I had such a hard time, I have a chance tomorrow to change my attitude and learn from this experience. 

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I am sorry that this part is very dramatic. I didn't mean for it to, but I had to get my thoughts out.