To Be Honest

Social Anxiety

If left untreated, social anxiety disorder may lead to depression, drug or alcohol problems, school or work problems, and a poor quality of life.

My heart rate is high before I have any interactions.

I cannot stay in a shop for long, so I time myself when I go.

I can't handle phone calls well.

My runs are with music.

I absolutely don't do well in any social interactions, making friends, etc.

The fear that I am being watched and judged is a pain, to say the least.

I'm mostly over it now. I used to get sick a lot because my anxiety made me so stressed that my immune system was just done. Every day in school was a nightmare, practicing my 'yes i'm here' during roll call, finding someone to go to lunch with, having to speak up in class or even just going to my next class with so many people in the hallway,... it sucked.

Doing anything alone was pretty impossible at the time and if i did i was glued to my phone to seem busy, occupied and like i knew what i was doing. Now I can say I'm pretty much a functioning human being, i still get nervous sometimes, but i can run errands, make phone calls, sit by myself, etc. without freaking out or having tunnel vision. I just wish i could tell my younger self that it does get better because at the time it seemed pretty hopeless.

Every little moment someone judges me I have to start fighting tears. I get really worked up about things. I wish I wouldn't but for some reason I can't help it.

At parties (which I don't attend very much- only if the majority or half of the people there are those I am close with), I struggle to connect because the main event is always talking and mingling. Not my strong suit. It makes me really anxious occasionally these days, but I've been doing a lot of work on myself and healing. I don't give a crap as much now these days, and am more comfortable with being me. If someone is going to judge me because I'm not talking much or I say something off-timing or awkward...whatevs they can suck it. I'm going to sit in that chair and pet the dog. Y'all can shut up with your strange social rules. Hahaha that's how I feel sometimes.

I work hard to not overextend myself and maintain balance/boundaries. I work hard not to neglect what I need. So I'm getting better at managing social anxiety because I'm more mindful and a bit more secure in myself. Not saying yes immediately to people, saying I'll think about it if they want to make plans and I'm not sure I want to that day.

Limiting my social time. Listening to my body. When the trembles start coming in, that's when I know I need to leave or should have left already. Though it's not always easy to leave when you want when your bf/family/friends are extroverts lol. When I'm with close friends or family, I still get anxious and overwhelmed. Though I think it's less about social anxiety disorder and more about Complex PTSD.

I don't fear my friends thinking I'm stupid anymore, at least those who I am close to. And am working towards not giving a crap what strangers or acquaintances think. (because I work hard to validate my mind/intelligence). My nervous system just..gets overwhelmed. At a certain point I need to go home and get my body feeling safe again.

I can do things (go to school, the store, etc) but in the past I've gotten extremely anxious doing it, particularly if attention is put on me in front of a crowd. I'd sometimes get too anxious and have panic attacks and physically can't make myself go to class though. The store wasn't as bad as going to class though. Sometimes it comes back and I have a bit of a hard time overcoming it, but it's definitely better than it used to be.

I also absolutely have no problem with social interaction for day to day stuff. I think my mind knows it is routine stuff so it doesn't panic. But it can be tough to go to social events like birthday parties, & my mind has a hard time handling it. Especially if situations involve dancing/learning a new dance, parties, social events, and ESPECIALLY meal events (too much emotional baggage, and PTSD). I've tried to go anyways in the past, thinking about behavioral learning but it never got better. I think fear & PTSD is blocking the learning process.

Some days I feel like I'm very high functioning, especially compared to when I was a teenager. While it's true that I have made improvements, there are times I am reminded that I still have a long way to go.

I can't make phone calls and when I absolutely have to I need about three days of preparation. I absolutely cannot ask teachers, friends, bosses, etc for help or have even a simple conversation with anyone with any amount of authority. (especially due to PTSD) Most of all, I struggle to make friends and connect with people much more than everyone else seems to.

It's true that I don't have horrible social anxiety like I used to, but it's not like I don't have it anymore. The years I spent living with it had some long-term impacts on my social abilities, and there are areas where I still struggle. I try not to focus on this because I know I've come a long way.

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So, the question now is, what can we do about social anxiety? What are some solutions? Therapy ideas?

*tree pose ::

I learned this pose in therapy. I had planned to publicly speak in front of a large audience and felt as though I'd faint just at the idea.

This pose has helped me in tight situations. First, stand strong and firm. Press your feet into the ground. Power pose it if you need to!! Then, imagine yourself as a tree, focus your energy in sending all the social anxieties, worries, rushes of bad feelings & vibes to your feet. Imagine your feet becoming roots. You are strong, and immovable. Picture all those feelings etc. going through those roots and into the ground. Take a deep breath. You've got this.

* 4, 6 breathing ::

This one tends to help me more with just anxiety in general. Breathe in for 4, out for 6.

* Ocean waves ::

Picture a storm on the sea. The waves are crashing, thunder & lightning, stormy clouds, & intense rain. Then, as you do 4,6 breathing (or just focus on breathing till your lungs are full. Soft & slow breaths.) Imagine yourself above the waves, sinking below the storm into the calm of the ocean. Down below, there are no intense waves or rain or sounds. It is quiet, it is calm & tranquil. Stay there as long as you need to relax & be present in the moment. It's going to be okay. Self coach, encourage & remind yourself that you can do hard things!!

* 5 Senses ::

take a moment and try to find:
1 thing you taste
2 things you can smell
3 things you can feel/touch
4 things you can hear
5 things you can see

* Your calm or safe place ::

Do you have a place where you feel the most happy, calm, that there's nothing to worry about, peace, and so on? This one takes a bit of practice. Try YouTube if you need. Allow yourself to escape to this place & take time to care for yourself & your body & what you are feeling.

* positive affirmations ::
~ it's huge the difference it makes!! Try to compliment yourself everyday & see the good that you do ;)

* Power Pose, Self-coaching

* Practice speaking, increase your vocab, practice in situations that aren't pushing your limits, but getting out of your comfort zone. Know when it's time to leave. Listen to your body.

*Tedtalks, Podcasts, self help books etc. ::

Self Compassion by Kristen Neff
Try the Libby app!
Use Spotify Podcasts
Seek to understand yourself, not judge yourself. Just observe & find your limits & what your habits & solutions are!!

I hope some of these ideas help!!