Complicated Like That

Fantasy

She sighed. Her mundane and very ordinary life was wearing her out. Heavy eyelids stared at the laptop screen in front of her waiting for inspiration to strike – it didn't. She was tired, limbs sore from all those squats she did the day before - aiming for a beauty standard she doesn't believe in, lungs barely capturing air – maybe it was all the smoke in her lungs or maybe she just didn't want to breathe anymore. She stared at the mirror carefully on most days, looking for beauty behind those dark circles and acne scars. Her arms were tanned, coloured by melanin that she wanted to banish, the sun scorched for days, soaking into her skin and combining with her DNA. She hasn't conversed with anyone in days. Empty conversations with lost souls no longer interested her. Wallowing in self pity as her mind drifted to a place where everything was so different. A life she could only dream of but never experience. Slipping in and out of reality like a patient on anaesthetic.

Eyes closed and there she goes ...

She's putting make up on, using substantially less than she normally would. Her skin looks healthy, her smile reaches her soul – beaming like the sun, as she soaks rays of gold from the nearest star. Her skin shimmering with gold flecks and a healthy peach undertone. Her cheeks naturally flushed by the heat of the sun. Her lips are a pastel pink, plump and moisturised. She's draped in a silky, satin black dress. The soft fabric smooth on the surface of her body like a second skin, showing off the version of herself she wished the world could love – a tummy that was well fed, a chest that she was comfortable with, an ass that she didn't have to worry about, a waist that fit her physical proportions, thighs that carried her well. Her long, dark hair fell over her in a way that didn't annoy her. Rich browns and golden strands standing out in the sunlight, thick and wavy without the damage of a hundred shampoos. She was happy with herself. She quickly put a muted gold necklace on and walked out.

She carefully walked down the stairs, eyes shyly looking up to meet the light brown eyes that excited her soul. She blushes, suddenly aware of his presence. He looked at her in awe, jaw slightly dropped as he took in her appearance. At the bottom of the stairs stood his best friend. She knew him better than anyone else to the point where he no longer needed to speak out about his troubles. The girl he spent most of his time laughing with but also the one who gave him peace when he thought it was unachievable. The one who hugged him tightly every chance she could and hugged him even tighter when he said he didn't want a hug. The one who makes him feel, who loved him so much, he started to believe in love, he started to believe that he deserved it. And he did.

A cheeky smile breaks his bold and detached stature. He opens his arms as she walks up to him, embracing her as their chests collide. She buries her head in the space between his neck and shoulder. He takes a deep breath, the subtle scent of her perfume enticing him. His large hands span the distance of her lower back, exploring a little before seeking refuge on her hips. She pulls back slowly, her hair brushes on his face as she moves back. His hands brushed her hair back while he stared into her eyes. Big, deep brown eyes stare back at him and look down when his hand caresses her cheek. He brushes his nose against hers, inching his face closer to hers while she lifts her head in anticipation. He pauses, as if silently asking for permission, she inches closer. He smirks before closing the gap between them. She kissed him hard and passionately, like it was the last time she could kiss him. She pushed all her emotions from her soul into the kiss, poured herself into him before slowing down and savouring the feeling. Her lips pressed so softly on his it was like they were a dream, leaving a tingling sensation before pulling back. He looks at her endearingly. Her eyes are still closed, head tilted as if she's reliving the moment a thousand times over.

"I love you so much." She barely whispered but he heard her.

His heart pattered before he opened his mouth, "Hmm, too much."

The words left his mouth without a second thought, but he knew that he could never tell her the words she wanted him to say. He could never love her the way she loves him. He could only love her the way he knew wouldn't break her – he could only be her shoulder to cry on, he could only protect her with advice and from physical harm, he could only hold her on her blue days and cheer her up with chocolate and a quick visit but he could never let his body sink into her beautiful being on the days she hated herself, he could never hug her with every fibre in his body telling him how perfect this is, he could never listen to her proclamation of unconditional love and return it with a passion as burning as hers, he could never hold her hand on the days she went to war nor cuddle with her on the days she needed his love. He could never love her as a lover – he could only love her as a best friend, nothing more, nothing less.

His response did not catch her off guard, after all she knew exactly how detached he was but that does not mean it didn't sting her a little. She looked up at him, her heart in her throat as she desperately looked into his eyes for the slightest emotion to pop up – it never did. She smiles, defeated. Her hands drop from the base of his neck as she takes a step back.

"You know ... one day, you're going to meet one great girl in this life and from the second you see her, you're going to know she's trouble. She's going to be weird as fuck and have an attitude that truly infuriates you. She's going to scare you a little. She's going to make you do things you haven't done before. She's going to make you see things you thought weren't there. She's going to make you believe in things you lost hope on. And most importantly, she's going to make you feel. ... I hope you let her. I hope you abandon all your instincts to barricade yourself in a fortress of solitude. I hope you let her break through your walls and find out who you really are. I hope you give yourself the chance to love her the way we all are meant to love someone. I hope when you realise how much you care about her, that you won't disappear into the night with tear-filled prayers that she's okay without you. I hope you choose to stay. I hope you choose to embrace the person that life so carefully gifted to you. I hope you appreciate her efforts in you, that you decide she's more than worthy of your efforts in her. I hope that you love with every fibre in your being. I hope you throw yourself off the cliff and finally fly. I hope you let your love consume you, so that in time you will learn to see how much love there is in this world. Love exists in more than one form and it is the most powerful thing in this world. It is love that makes us, that fuses the bond between an unborn child and its mother, that connects us to everything alive in this world and it is only love that can make us truly happy. I hope you give yourself the chance to be happy, to live a life fulfilled and to experience all the magnificent things life has to offer. Love does not make us weak, babe. It makes us human. I hope you choose to be human, I hope you choose to feel."

When she was done speaking, she silently begged her soul not to cry. She looked up at him, his eyes watched her carefully as he processed her indirect declaration of love. The chemistry between them sizzled as lust filled the spaces between their eyes. She bit her lip as her hands slowly made their way back up to his neck. He gripped her hips hard and pulled her towards him. His lips attached to her neck. She gasped, he bit down hard as the raging desire consumed his body. There's no one in the world he wanted to fuck more than her. His hands roamed her body, he grabbed her ass and lowered his mouth. She moaned, eyes shut and mouth wide open in pleasure. He stopped his actions and looked into her eyes. Her hands gripped his shirt - she was practically begging him. He quickly turned her around and unzipped her dress, her breaths motivating him to hurry up. He kissed her shoulders, pulled down the straps of her bra, she quickly turned around and locked her lips onto his. His hands pushed her legs open, she jumped – wrapping her legs around his waist while he walked slowly to the nearest bedroom. He carefully put her down on the bed before pressing his body onto her.

"Are you sure?" He asked.

She responded by pulling him closer and making out with him. Because if she couldn't have his love, at least she could have his body ...