After (Camren)

Chapter 81

She is still standing in the kitchen, and gripping her coffee mug with white and busted knuckles when I leave.

My conscious is mewling over everything Lauren said this morning. What could I possibly not understand? I would never judge her for something that causes her to have nightmares. I hope that is what she was talking about but I can't ignore the feeling that I am missing something very obvious here.

I feel guilty and tense almost all day but Dinah emails me the link to one too many funny YouTube videos to keep up with my sour mood. By lunch, I almost forget the problem at home.

*I'm sorry for everything, please come home after work.* Lauren texts me while Dinah and I eat off of a muffin basket someone sent Christian Vance.

"Is that her?" She asks.

"Yea.. I stood up to her but I feel terrible for some reason. I know I am right but you should have seen her this morning." I tell her.

"Good, hopefully she learns her lesson. Did she tell you where she was?" She asks.

"Nope, that's the problem." I groan and eat another muffin.

*Please answer me Camila. I love you.* she sends minutes later.

"Just answer the poor girl." Dinah smiles and I nod.

*I will be home.* I respond. 

Why is it so hard for me to hold my ground with her? Mr. Vance lets everyone go a little after three so I decide to stop by a salon on the way home and get my hair trimmed and a manicure for the wedding tomorrow. I hope we can work this out before the wedding because the last thing I want to do is take an already angry Lauren to her father's wedding. 

By the time I get home it is almost six o'clock and I have multiple texts from Lauren which I have ignored. When I get to our door I take a deep breath to mentally prepare for what is to come. we will either end up screaming at each other which will lead to one of us leaving, or we will actually talk through it and work it out. Lauren is pacing back and forth across the cement floor when I enter. Her eyes shoot up to my figure in the doorway and she looks relieved.

"I thought you weren't coming." She says and steps towards me.

"Where else would I go?" I retaliate and walk past her into the bedroom.

"I.. well I made dinner for you." She says. She is totally unrecognizable right now. Her hair is up in a messy bun instead. She is wearing a gray hooded sweatshirt and black sweats and she seems nervous, worried and almost afraid?

"Oh.. why?" I can't help but ask. I change into sweats of my own and Lauren's face falls further when I don't put her shirt on that she has clearly laid on the dresser for me. 

"Because I am an asshole." She answers. 

"Yea.. you are." I respond and walk back into the kitchen.

The meal looks much more appetizing than I thought it would even though I am not sure what it is, some sort of chicken pasta I think. 

"It's chicken Florentine." She answers my thoughts.

"Hmm."

"You don't have to.." Her voice is small.

This is such a different scene than usual and for the first time since I met her I feel like I have the upper hand. 

"No, it looks good. I am just surprised." I tell her and take a bite. It tastes even better than it looks.

"Your hair looks nice." She compliments. My thought travel back to the last time I had a haircut and Lauren was the only one to notice.

"I need answers." I remind her. 

"I know, and I am going to give them to you." She breathes.

I take another bite to hide my satisfaction with myself for holding my ground with her.

"First, I want you to know that no one, I mean no one except my mother and father know this." She says and picks at the scabs on her knuckles.

I nod and take another bite. 

"Okay.. well here goes..." she says nervously before continuing. "One night, when I was around seven my father was out at the bar across the street from our home. He went there almost every night and everyone knew him there which is why it was a terrible idea for him to piss anyone off there. This night, he did just that. He started a fight with some soldiers who were just as plastered as him and he ended up smashing a beer bottle over one of their heads."

I have had no idea where this is going but I know it won't be pleasant.

"Keep eating please.." she begs and I nod and try not to stare at her as she continues.

"He left the bar and they came across the road to our house, to pay him back for smashing the guy's face I guess. The problem was that he didn't come home they just thought he did and my mum was asleep on the couch, waiting up for my dad. Sort of how you were last night." She says and meets her green eyes to mine. "So when they found my mum first.." she trails off and stares at the wall.

"Lauren.." I whisper and grab her hand across the table. 

"When I heard her screaming I came downstairs and tried to get them off of her. Her nightgown was ripped open and she just kept screaming for me to go.. she was trying to keep me from seeing what they were doing to her but I couldn't just leave. You know?" She says. 

When she blinks back a tear my  heart breaks for the seven year old curly haired girl watching those horrendous things happen to her mother. I climb onto her lap on the chair and put my face against her neck.

"Long story short, I tried to fight them off but it didn't do any good. By the time my father stumbled through the door, I had put an entire box of band aids all over her body to try to.. I don't know.. fix her or something. How stupid is that?" She says into my hair.

I look up at her and she frowns. "Don't cry.." she whispers but I can't help it. I never imagined her nightmares were from something so terrible.

"I'm sorry I made you tell me." I sob.

"No.. baby it's okay. It actually felt good to tell someone." She assures me.

"After that, I would only sleep downstairs on the couch so if someone came in.. they would get to me first. Then the nightmares came.. and they just kind of stuck. I went to a few therapists once my father left but nothing seemed to help, until you." She gives me a weak smile.

Now that I have a few more pieces of the puzzle that is Lauren, I can understand her more.

"I'm sorry I was out all night, I don't want to be that person. I don't want to be him." She says and hugs me tighter.

My opinion of Mike has changed drastically in the last five minutes. I know people change and he obviously has but I can't help the anger bubbling inside me. Lauren is the way she is because of her father, because of the drinking, the negligence, and the terrible night that her father wasn't there to protect his wife and daughter. I didn't get all the answers I wanted but I got much more than I ever expected.

"I won't do it again... I swear.. Just please tell me you won't leave me?" She mutters.

"I won't leave you." Every ounce of anger and entitlement I felt has evaporated.

"I love you Camila, more than anything." She says and wipes my tears.