tessa || h.s

Violent Shiver

T.

Harry had been acting strange all week, and the empty, yet completely heavy lump in my throat kept telling me that it was due to our conversation the night he got back. It wasn’t that he was acting distant…but he was different and I couldn’t really put my finger on it.

“Hey, where’s your head, Styles?” I managed to keep the uncertainty out of my tone, but I knew it was only a matter of time before it started to dribble through, especially with the way he was behaving.

“Hmm?” He hummed as my fingers played with the curls that fell against the back of his neck.

“What’re you thinking about, baby?” I reworded my previous question and he shrugged. 

“I’m not really thinking about anything, Tessa…” I groaned and released my hands from his body.

“Oh for Christ’s sake, Harry! You’ve been like this all fucking week—you barely eat, I know you don’t sleep, you pace…and you—it’s like you refuse to even touch me, let alone speak to me!” He looked slightly taken aback for a second, but regained a semi-normal expression.

“I’m fine, Tess. I’m just—just a little tired that’s all.” His hand went to the back of his head as he scratched his scalp, and I couldn’t help the tears that were finally breaking free. When he noticed me crying he reached forward, but I quickly dodged him.

“Is this…is this about Milan?” Both of his arms fell to his side and he sighed.

“I—no…” He tried to lie, but he knew it was no use. “I just can’t fucking stand the idea of being away from you—”

“Then why are you pushing me away?!” I screamed this and his eyes grew wide before squeezing tightly shut.

“I don’t know! Fuck!” He shouted, then his voice became low…weak almost. “I’m not trying to, baby, I’m not…but it’s just so hard, and I hate it. I hate the thought of you being away from me.”

“How come I’m supposed to be okay with you leaving? You’ve got the tour! So what if I hadn’t been chosen for this?! What, we’d spend a few extra weeks together before you jet off for a fucking world tour?!”

“You’d fucking come with me, Tessa, obviously!” I’m sure we’d get noise complaints soon enough, but at this point, I could care less.

“Oh, right, of course! How could I be so bloody stupid?! I’m supposed to just drop everything for you, but you poor thing, you can’t handle letting me go to achieve something I’ve been wanting for five years now—something I’ve worked tirelessly for, day and night!! You waltz into my life, break up my relationship, then you have the nerve to get angry at me for going to Milan to better myself and my career?! I don’t fucking think so!” His face was red with rage as I screamed.

“Well then why don’t you fucking go and find Dylan?! I’m sure he’d just be thrilled to take you back, cause I sure as hell don’t give a flying fuck!” As soon as the words left his mouth, he regretted them. His eyes became the normal jade green that I adored so much and anger that his expression held had completely disappeared. “Tess—” I shook my head, tears blurring my vision.

“No…you—Harry, get the fuck out of my flat.” He shook his head, disbelieving how serious I was. 

“Tessa—”

“I fucking mean it, Harry! Get out! I don’t want you here, I want you gone!”

“I’m sorry, baby—”

“Don’t you dare baby me! This…us?” I motioned between the two of us, “Done. We’re over, Harry. I’m breaking up with you.” He just stood there, tears forming in the corners of his beautiful, selfish eyes. Part of me wanted to take him back right then and there, just because the thought of being without him was excruciatingly painful, but that was the weaker part. The part that needed to get a handle on reality and the real world, because this wasn’t anywhere close to it. 

“Tessa, you can’t—” He sounded broken, hell, I knew he was breaking—crumbling inside, but I owed it to myself to stay strong.

“I just did.” I seethed as I walked back to my bedroom to grab whatever he had laying around.

When I came back out, he was in the same spot, standing like he was under a spell. I went around collecting things of his before tossing them into his wide open suitcase.

“When I come back, I expect you to be gone.” How I managed to keep my voice as steady as it was, I really had no idea. But as I made a beeline for the bathroom, I felt a sob escape my throat and by the time I turned the shower on, I was sitting on the bathroom floor in a puddle of my tears.