We Know Better

Epilogue

Alessa hands me a rolled up shirt and I stuff it into my already very bloated suitcase. I am a notoriously bad over-packer so it is no surprise that the task of moving into University is proving to be a challenge. My mom comes into my room with a blanket she just finished washing for me and stops short when she looks at all of the things I have. For a moment she is just silent as she blinks her inability to comprehend.

"Alaina, do you really, truly need all of these things? I don't think your car will even be able to fit all of this, let alone your dorm room."

"Well it's a good thing we'll be taking three cars then," I reply as I pull my suitcase off of the bed and put it on the ground.

"Three?!" Alessa looks at me shocked.

"Yeah, Bren and me in his Jeep. His mom and Momma in my car, and then his brother in Bren's mom's car," I lay out the plan for her.

"That's... so much."

"Well, it's a little tricky because we both have cars and they need a way to get back. But, it also means there is still plenty of room if you want to come."

"I'd love to, but I don't think I should. I leave next week anyway so I gotta get my own shit together." She shrugs but I can see it in her eyes, she's sad.

After my mom leaves the room, I ask Alessa to sit on the suitcase so that I can zip it up. It takes some bobbing and serious maneuvering, but once it is done we try for deep breaths between the laughing. I take a seat next to her on the suitcase and lay my head on her shoulder while taking her hand in mine. I think about the couple of years that she would have pulled away from me. I think of the vast years before when this was our norm. I think about the years to come when it'll probably be somewhere in the middle. I know now that sometimes things change and there must be a process of negotiation to figure out new boundaries. We weren't good at that in the past, but we will be in the future.

I pick our hands up and hold them in front of us. "I missed you, you know. It kind of feels like I just got you back and now I've got to let you go again," I tell her honestly.

"No letting go, never again. I promise. But I'm a little terrified to be without you and I hate that I squandered the time we had being so shitty."

"Our time isn't over, Lessa. You're my person. My one great relationship." I squeeze her hand.

She looks over at me and she is crying. I give her a little smile because I can feel the water making its way to the surface. Alessa releases my hand so that she can throw her arms around me. I loop my arms around her torso and press a kiss to her cheek.

"We'll be fine. I promise. If the last year didn't succeed in tearing us apart, you really think some minor shit like distance will? Girl, there ain't enough power in the world. I love you."

She laughs into my neck and then pulls back to look at me, "you're right, you usually are. I love you, Alaina."

I wink at her, "damn right you do. Sleepover?"

She wipes at her eyes and nods, "yeah it's gonna be all night tryna get all of your shit together."

"There she is, back with the jokes," I bump my shoulder against hers and then stand up.

The next morning, my driveway feels full of people. Mads and Ray are here along with Michelle, and even Cal and Cooper. Brendon's mom and brother are inside with my mother and my sister. I told myself not to cry, but the tears are there just waiting for me to let my guard down. Everything is already packed so the only thing left to do is say goodbye.

"Laina, you stop that right now," Cooper points at me, "I can see those tears don't you do it to me."

I can't help but laugh, "don't look at me oh my god! I'm trying not to." Even as I say it there's a lump in my throat.