We Know Better

Sunset

We get into his car and he rolls down the windows as he cranks up his music. I recognize the song he is playing by Cage the Elephant and happily let the loud music envelope me. Both of us like to listen to our music real loud. It does not take a long time to get where we are going and soon we are climbing out and trekking through the suburban version of nature. As we wade through high grasses and weeds that look like flowers, we shoot jokes back and forth to one another effortlessly. The sun is out and bright, but for once it does not feel like hell under its hot embrace, a novelty when you are in inland Southern California.

Finally, we arrive and I feel my face light up. He has brought me to the place I always see the cool kids posting about. There is a lot of trash, beer bottles and cans everywhere, but there is also a big wall of cement shaped like a rectangle cut in half filled with graffiti. Some of it is just tagging from the kids that think they are so 'gangsta' in white suburbia, but most of it is art. Little characters or words that probably mean a whole lot to somebody, and big murals comprised of many different artist's efforts. I cannot stop myself from taking it all in, I am already falling in love.

When I eventually turn back around to look at Brendon, he is looking at me wide eyed with an equally wide smile. I make my way over to him and I can feel the steady thrum of my heartbeat. He tilts his head in a silent signal to keep following him, and of course I do. There is more concrete and I cannot help but wonder what this used to be or what it was supposed to be. It just looks like a series of half finished rooms and decay, beautiful decay. The sun's light is gently getting warmer as it slowly begins its descent to make way for the moon.

I jump up on onto a barely knee high line of cement and try to walk along the low wall. My hand is only out to my side for a moment before Brendon takes it. I do my best to hide the smile that is threatening to plaster itself all over my face at just how cliche it is and at just how much I love it. We do this for a while as we keep light conversation going between the two of us, and make sure that I do not fall off. We do it for so long that the sun sinks low enough to leave the sky pink and purple.

I sit down on a cement wall that I had just been walking on and Brendon settles next to me, leaning against my side. He is warm and there is a gentle breeze that has started to pick up. There is a comfortable silence between us as we take in our surroundings. From his pocket, he pulls out a lighter and it is black this time so I do not bother trying to steal it from him since I already have one. I watch his hand as he twists it around his fingers for a while and then he starts to run his thumb over the igniter, but lightly enough that it only makes the noise and yet produces none of the fire it is meant for. After a few more moments, his head tilts and falls against my shoulder. Neither of us say a thing as his head rests on my shoulder. It feels nice. It feels comfortable. It feels good. I just cannot seem to get the thought of his face moving in just the slightest and letting his lips brush against my skin, like he did in my dream all that time ago. It feels like forever.

Just before we lose all of our light, we reluctantly leave and make our way back to his car. It is still really quiet as we drive home with nothing but his music playing at a level that most people consider normal. As we pull into his driveway and park, he takes a minute to check his phone before turning the car off. I do the same and see that I have a couple of Snapchats to open. As the last one disappears from my screen, Brendon turns to me.

"Hey, Laina, do you want to hang with some of my friends tonight?" He asks and if I am not mistaken I can see a trace of uncertainty over what I will say. "Michelle will be there," he says before I can answer; and even though I know he said it in an effort to persuade me, the only thing it does is knock me off the high cloud I have been floating on for the past few hours.

"Oh, um..." I take a few moments to think about what I would be doing if I did not go. Probably sitting at home feeling sad and thinking about him, might as well do that with him around, "yeah, yeah sure I'd be okay with that," I tell him.

He nods and I know he can sense my hesitancy, "we don't have to go. We can just stay in, watch some movies or play some video games, if you want."

It sounds like exactly what I want, but I have already agreed and I do not want to be the reason that he does not see his friends tonight. "No, it's okay really. I want to go."

He smiles and nods again, "we can leave anytime you want. Just say the word okay?"

I return his nod and smile before glancing back down at my phone so that I will not look at him. As we ride, it is just as quiet as before, but I can feel the nervousness coiling in my stomach. I keep my eyes glued on the window even though there is little to look at since it is pretty dark out now. It stays quiet even as we park, get out, and make our way up to the door.