We Know Better

House Party

On Saturday, I tell my mom that I am hanging out with my friends. I feel okay today and even when I look in the mirror after getting ready I feel sort of pretty. As I drive over to Brendon's, house I feel the anxiety creep into my veins over the party. I repeatedly tell myself that everything will be fine; that Brendon will be there and he will make sure I am alright. I reassure that Michelle is not going to actively let anything happen to me either, even if she does not know me in the same way.

I park next to the curb right outside of his house and quickly make my way inside to see him. I know that I should not be this excited to see him, especially since I had seen him everyday this week, but I am. Maybe it is because I am going to a party and it is my first time being invited to one. There was the one on Halloween, but I had only been there for a handful of moments before I had to go. This was the real deal.

As I enter into his room, I yell to him that I am here. The door to his bathroom is open and I can hear the fan going which makes me worry that he does not hear me, but when he says my name I am reassured. I sit on his desk chair and busy myself by spinning around until he comes out. When he does it is so cliche that I focus on the humor of it instead of the fact that he is walking out of his bathroom both shirtless and pants-less. I offer up a 'hey' so that I do not make it awkward.

While he rummages through his drawers, I allow myself to take him in with his back to me. There is a really light spattering of freckles across his back and his muscles are just defined enough that I can see them outlined as he moves. I know that he does not work out, but I also know that he is relatively active. Being friends with Cooper means a lot of bonding through sports since sports is pretty much all he does and from the recent knowledge I gained about Cal, I assume that sometimes he takes part in building with him.

Brendon finds his pants first and quickly pulls them up over his boxers, but it takes him a little longer to put on a shirt. He eventually turns to me holding two options. One is a very blue long sleeve henley and the other one is a red and black flannel. I tell him to do the very blue one that just so happens to match the very blue high waisted pants I am wearing while his black jeans match my black shirt. I wonder if he notices as he puts it on. I also wonder if he notices the way my eyes are glued to him. Not too long after, we are climbing into the car and the music is cranked up high.

When we arrive, it is dark out and there are already people here. Before we get out, Brendon wraps his fingers around my wrist reassuringly and tells me that if I want to leave at any point to tell him, no questions asked. My chests loosens that much more as I nod at him, hoping he knows how thankful I am for him.

Walking into the house is a little bit disorienting. There are more people than I had counted on and the music is loud while things are going on in just about every room. I allow myself to press closer to Brendon as we make our way through people to get to the kitchen. As we go, I see people that I recognize from school, but I cannot put names to any of the faces. Once we make it to the quieter kitchen, he sees his friends. Some of them are the same ones from last week and they recognize me with pleasant smiles. It is not until they smile at me that I realize that I had been very worried that they wouldn't.

A couple of greetings and then Brendon leans down to me and asks me if I want something to drink while warning me that there may be very little available that is not alcoholic. I tell him that it is okay as long as whatever he gets me does not taste like alcohol. That earns me a smile and a laugh. He nods his head towards the counter as a way to offer it up as a seat. A couple of his friends are sitting on it, so I content myself with hopping up onto it, too. Once I am settled, he asks me if I am okay with him going and looking for something to drink. Reluctantly, I nod and he gives my knee a reassuring squeeze before leaving. My eyes follow him and I start to worry that he will go somewhere out of my view.