When Monday rolls around, I am still not all together. I find comfort in reminding myself that it is a B week, meaning that the majority of my days are early release. I go through classes and I can barely remember what I just learned. As I walk to the lunch table with Mads, I notice Calvin with a few of his other friends including Brendon and my elementary school boyfriend, Cooper. My eyes stay on Brendon against my better judgement. After a few moments, his eyes find me, too. Of course I feel my neck heat up as I quickly drop my eyes to the ground, and I put in double the effort to engage in conversation with Mads.
We sit at the table and I can still feel his gaze. Eventually, I look up at him and confirm that he is still looking at me. The side of his mouth pulls up in a discreet smile. I find my own mouth moves into a small, compulsory smile, and then I drop my eyes.
Not too long after Calvin and them leave. I join a conversation about the fair going on over the weekend. The debate is whether we want to go or not. By the end of lunch, we have made plans to go together on Friday. I still feel the flair of anxiety when I hangout with them. I thought it was something that is supposed to go away when you get closer to people. Maybe that is the problem: I am not getting closer.
In the ceramics room on Wednesday Brendon is gone. I do my best not to notice the absence.
Alessa goes home with me and we sit around for hours doing nothing in silence, talking, and watching tv. Eventually, we do some homework. She tells me about what Chris, one of our friends, and her got up to that weekend. Long story short: it was sex.
They have been in their little friends with benefits relationship for a while now, but she is completely in love with him. Him, not so much. It is not like he does not love or care about her, he is just not in love with her. My issue is that he knows about her feelings and continues to lead her on. She insists that she is fine with the situation, but I know her better than anyone else, sometimes even better than herself, and I can see how badly it is affecting her.
Friday night finally comes, and I am still trying to figure out what to wear. Midway between me pulling my high-waisted shorts up, my phone goes off. As soon as I button them up, it goes off again. When I check it, both Ray and Mads are saying that they have to cancel. That just leaves Alessa and Chris. I push aside the weird anger that bubbles up within me, I still do not even understand it myself. I sigh as I pull my crop top over my head and gather my stuff. I give my mother a kiss before I am out the door. I register the sound of my phone going off, but my momma taught me well so I wait to check it. Once I am parked and climbing out of the car, I read the message Chris sent to the group chat about him having to cancel because his mother needs him. I get a text from Alessa just as I step into the fairgrounds telling me she is sorry, but she has to cancel too.
My heart drops into my stomach. I am already here. I am standing in the middle of the the entry area alone and looking stupid. Should I stay? Should I go? There is no point in being here if I am alone. As I stand there contemplating what to do, a flash of anger consumes me and I know that it is irrational and immature, but I am angry. My friends did not do this to me, but the fact of the matter is that I am here and they are not. I look around anxiously hoping that no one can see how stupid I look. Except my eyes catch Brendon's.
He is across the way walking with a group of his friend and his arm is around a girl. He smiles and then turns to the group he is with to say something before he breaks apart from them. My heart picks up as I see him walking toward me. Part of me contemplates turning around and walking straight away from him, but the other part feels like crying. I can feel the stinging behind my eyeballs as the panic sets in. I wring my hands together nervously as he stops in front of me.
"Hey," He greets.
"Hi," I reply and it sounds grossly breathless.
"You here alone?" He asks.
YOU ARE READING
We Know Better
Teen Fiction~Laina~ She is a teenage girl trying to find her place in the world, just like everyone else. It is senior year and to be honest she never thought she would even make it to this point. Her long-time best friend seems to be leaving her behind a...
