We Know Better

The Talk

Sex. It is a conversation we have yet to reach. I know how to stay safe, no thanks to school sex education, and I know my way around my body. There shouldn't be an issue and it hasn't been, except there's been a shift. I think it happened around New Year's Eve. I feel like a heat has taken to living right under the surface of my skin and every time he touches me it roars to life. It's incredibly distracting.

The other day we were sitting at lunch and his hand found its way onto my knee. For a few moments, it was hard to breathe and my heart was doing kickflips in my chest. He felt my tension and turned to look at me while his thumb began to stroke across my already sensitive skin. I know he meant it in a comforting gesture, but when a quiet gasp slipped and my hand gripped his bicep the realization dawned on his face.

So if the cat wasn't already out of the bag, it most definitely is now. It's been a few weeks since school has started back up and I'm just beginning to find the balance between spending time with Alessa and Brendan. Today is Alessa's day and I am telling her about the mood shift. She grins at me as she tries to stop herself from laughing.

"He's turning you on," she states the obvious.

"Yeah I already figured that one out," I give her a 'duh' look. "The issue is doing something about it."

"Remember when you decided to wait until marriage in the like seventh grade."

"I was young and highly influenced by my favorite characters okay. Besides I have obviously decided against carrying that out."

"You were really dedicated, you had the talk with your mom, bought a purity ring, and everything," she can't contain the laugh this time.

Neither can I, "okay look she had one so I had to get one too. Can we move past this subject and focus on the one at hand?"

"You banging your boyfriend?"

"Oh my god, never mind." I throw my hands up.

"Okay, okay I'm sorry," she apologizes and hugs my bicep while resting her head on my shoulder.

"I just, I want to, I think?"

She quirks an eyebrow at me and sits up, "you think? Babe, you gotta be sure."

"I'm sure that I love him and that he loves me. I'm sure that he takes care with me and that he makes me feel safe," I flop back against my bed, "this shouldn't be so hard."

She lays next to me, tilting her head until it presses gently against mine, "Laina, look it's perfectly natural to be a little nervous and apprehensive to do something you've never done, but if you ask me I think he's good for you. And I think that you think so too."

"You're probably right."

"I most definitely always am," she jokes, "but what you really need to do is talk to him."

I nod and roll into her side, feeling her arms wrap around me and being instantly comforted.

It is the next day when we have the talk. We're in his room, me on his bed and him in his desk chair. I am fiddling with the skin around my nails, picking them apart. He sits just watching me for a while and then puts his hand over mine.

"Laines, we don't have to talk about it right now if it is making you uncomfortable."

"No, I want to, I just.... I don't know where to start," I confess.

"We could start with what happened the other day at school. Tell me that it wasn't me imagining that me touching you like that is what gave you that look," Brendon says.