Broken Memories (Sequel to STBHP) UNDER MAJOR RECONSTRUCTION

Chapter 14: Broken souls

Isabella's POV:

I'm not good enough. I'll never be good enough. That's the message I got through his eyes. He didn't even need to say it, for his whole body expressed nothing but disgust towards me. The way he stared at me haunted my restless mind as I sat lent against the bathroom wall. He looked at me as if I was worthless and hideous. And it hurt.

I felt ashamed and stupid for thinking I was good enough for him. But the truth was, I'd never be good enough. I'd never be good enough for anyone.

I rubbed my aching and sore eyes only smearing the mascara further making me look like some deranged panda of sorts.

It had been some time since I had first ran into the bathroom locking myself away from the real world. As I cried away at the memory of his facial expression my ears did not miss the faint sobs of James. Why would he be crying when he's the one that rejected me. I mean, what sort of man refuses sex, especially when I gave into his kinks. I still find the term "daddy" during sexual encounters uncomfortable, but I wanted to make him happy. That's all I ever want for James. But my ears did not fail me, he truly was crying. But maybe there was more to his cries. Maybe he was crying for a hidden matter. Is there something I'm not aware of? Is he hiding something from me?

As hurt as I was, there was something about his cries that hurt my heart even more. I'd never seen James cry before. Truthfully, he didn't look like the type of man to cry. He's always in control in all aspects of his life, I was sure he was emotionally too. But that's the harsh reality that men face. The media puts pressure on men saying that expressing your inner feelings and emotions is a sign of weakness. But that's a lie. A powerful, dominant man expressing their feelings and revealing emotions is a strength showing people you do have a heart and ultimately we are all human and it's in our nature to cry, laugh, worry and be afraid. It hurt hearing James cry because there was so much emotion poured into his cry. I wasn't an expert in reading emotions, but anyone could tell there was a deeper meaning to his cry. It was the sound of a deep hidden pain. A pain he'd been holding in for a long time. The cry of heartbreak perhaps? The cry of guilt? Or perhaps something triggered inside him causing a breakdown. Who knows at this point.

We'd both cried until we could cry no more.

Silence fell across the two rooms. Neither of us knew what to do or say. Truthfully, I didn't want to see James. I didn't want to speak to him. My mind was screaming don't you dare open the door. Yet my heart was pleading for to seek him and comfort him. Talk it out. Maybe there's a reason. But I listened to my mind and remained silent.

"Sweetheart" James whispered brokenly. His voice was weak and quiet almost as if he was afraid that I would flea if his voice were any louder.

"B-baby, I didn't mean to upset you. That's the last thing I ever want to do. I, I am happy to talk to you about it, just, just give me a chance to explain myself, that's all I ask".

My eyes began to water at the gentleness of his voice, but I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't waste anymore tears on a man. No. I chose to remain silent once more.

"I know you're upset and you have every right to be, I hope you will give me a chance to talk but I understand if you don't want to straight away. I will cook us dinner and if you want when you are ready you can join me in the lounge. Just in case you don't come out at all, I will take a few items and sleep on the couch if that will make you happy. Just know that you are more than good enough and truthfully I will never deserve you. It's me that's not worthy of such a blessing such as you. I love you Isabella, so much".

I wiped away at the tears I had promised not to let loose as I listened to James bustle around before leaving the bedroom and shutting the door behind him. But I still couldn't move.