How to Save the World and Other Illegal Shenanigans

Prime Efficiency™

President Brettley was very proud of the turnout. He loved to see people yelling his name, holding up those big signs that said, "Brettley is the Best-ley!" It humored him to no end.

When he first ran two years ago, it was all a joke. There was no real means to win, just a desire to burn up some of the money he'd been sitting on. Of course, a small part of him yearned to see his name on the television, have the title of 'Mr.' turn to 'Mr. President'. Every small child wished to be president at some point, and Chad was no different.

He watched the monitor for a moment, eyes scanning the massive crowds for any signs of riots or discontent. Everyone had a complimentary cookie and water bottle; there was no need for fighting, not on a full stomach. Briefly his eyes caught on an odd couple standing by the doorway. The husband had conspicuously pale hair and an odd white jacket, and his counterpart was like his shadow. They looked mildly concerned and unhappy. President Brettley ordered that they be given another cookie.

Out on the floor, the couple was, indeed, bickering.

"There is no way that I'm going into that crowd," Vance insisted, crossing his arms. "You're just going to leave me, and then I'm going to have to fight my way out, and it's going to be a pain. I'm not doing it."

Alex sighed, again. "Look. It's a rally. There's lots of people. What else are we supposed to do?"

"Maybe... write him a letter? Find his phone number, leave him a message?" Vance shrugged. "There are so many more efficient ways of this."

"I've got an idea." Alex turns towards the stage.
"Where are you going?"

"He's backstage somewhere, obviously. I've just got to find him."

Vance shook his head and opened his mouth to argue once again, but someone else said something first.

"Excuse me?" The two turned to look at the new voice, a sweet little orderly who held two cookies and two water bottles. Alex cocked her head. "We saw that you were unsatisfied and wanted to give you these. Hopefully it will make this more pleasant."

Alex eyed Vance, a new idea forming. "Thank you, that's so kind. Can I ask, did President Brettley send you?"

The orderly smiled and nodded vehemently. "Why, yes, he did! It was such an honor to have a direct order from him, and--"

"Yeah, that's great," Alex cut off with a wave. She stared directly into the orderly's eyes, who suddenly seemed to freeze. "Now, can you take us to Mr. Brettley?"

For a moment, the little old woman looked as though she would say no, insist that it's against the rules. But Alex narrowed her eyes, and the woman shook herself. "Of course!" She effused delightedly. "Just follow me, please. Right this way."

Alex stepped in front of Vance, tossed her treats in the garbage, and followed. Vance's eyes bugged as he stepped behind Alex. He grabbed the vampire's arm and yanked her back.

"What do you think you're doing?" He hissed, eyeing the orderly nervously.

"I'm being efficient," she said proudly. "Isn't that what you wanted?"

Vance fumed as the group weaved through the mob of Brettley's supporters, all of whom wore bright shirts with the logo, "Brettley is the Best-ley!" Crumbs speckled the fronts, evidence of their complementary cookie. Vance couldn't believe the people he saw, all following this Chad figure with blind faith. He shook his head as the orderly directed them through a door.

"Just around the corner, dears." Alex smiled wide and winked before stepping through. Vance was really just following in shock, and thinking about all of the ways that this plan could go wrong. He was already numbering on at least fifteen back up plans and methods of escape; however, he was confident in approximately none of them.