How to Save the World and Other Illegal Shenanigans

Knock Knock, It's Depression

Green was never really Amiel's favorite color. He preferred the warmer colors, oranges and golds, like sunsets. It really went against the typical cliche that all of the angels love pale blues and whites. What was this, a baby boy's nursery?

Despite this, Amiel enjoyed living in the Irish countryside. He could sit on the cliffs for days at a time and not complain once. The damp chill didn't bother him awfully, although sometimes he caught himself warming the air around him as he began to shiver.

Today was no different than any other day. Amiel sat contentedly at the edge of a cliff, feet dangling into the air. Sea spray kisses his face occasionally. He pulls his sweater tighter around him.

The ocean stretches out before him, disappearing into a gray line on the horizon. A few dinghy boats float around just beyond the riptide, fishing and doing normal boat things. A few tourists traverse the cliffs further away from him. They stick to the markered path, not daring to jump the rails and sit as Amiel does. Similarly, they fear the enormous sheep that roll through the green hills.

Quite literally the sheep roll. It was Amiel's job to shear them and send the wool to the artisans, who kindly make his sweaters. But Amiel has a slight fear of the beasts; ever since the rumor got around of Satan being half goat, Amiel simply lumped sheep into that category and swore off contact. Clearly he didn't stick to that promise well, but at least he doesn't invite them to dinner. Conversely, the sheep end up as dinner on select nights (specifically, Tuesdays and Thursdays at the Sheep's Head restaurant down the road).

Amiel flinches as he hears one of the monsters bleat behind him. His hair flops into his face, momentarily filling his vision with the cliche golden angel locks. Then he tosses his head back and stares into the big round eyes of the goat. It sits down next to him, precariously close to rolling right off the cliff. It opens its big mouth.

"Amiel," says a deep voice. Amiel's eyebrows shoot up.

"Judiel? Is that you?"

"Amiel," the voice repeats, and the angel turns to look at the sheep, which seems completely oblivious to the voice that is speaking through its mouth. "We continue to miss your presence. A condolences card has been delivered."

"Wow, that's awful thoughtful, Judiel," Amiel scoffs. "I hope there's flowers."

The sheep pauses, then opens its mouth again. "Flowers have been added, as per request. Is there anything else I can help you with before I begin?"

Amiel just shakes his head. This is the main reason he left Above in the first place. He didn't Fall, despite what everyone thinks. He simply took the back staircase down and locked the door behind him so no one could follow.

"A special someone requests supper with you," the sheep says. "He wants to know if you accept?"

"Like I can even say no," Amiel mumbles. He looks up to the sky, and imagines Him looking down and waiting anxiously for his response. Amiel would be willing to bet that He is clutching his chest and prancing around like a teenage girl before her first date. Why would He be doing anything else? It's not like He actually pays attention to the humans; anyone delusional enough to think so would ironically end up on the bottom of that potential list of attentions. "What time is it?" Amiel asks absentmindedly.

"Quarter past three," the sheep says politely. "Supper would be served around seven, if you were wondering."

"Alrighty, then," Amiel concedes. He stands, stripping off his wool sweater. Wool gets heavy and gross when it gets wet. "Tell Him I'll see Him then. Informal, I'm assuming?"

"Of course. Again, We send our regards."

"It's not as bad as it looks."

The sheep pauses, like it's going to say something else. "We miss you, Amiel."

"Ah, I knew it was you, Judiel." Amiel sighs, gazing off to the horizon. "You should really come visit some time."

"You know we're not supposed to do that. Besides, I'm stuck on message duty. I'm talking to you through a sheep, my goodness."

"Really sounds like you have it together, Judiel."

Something like a sigh escapes the sheep. "We'll see you tonight, Amiel."

The sheep shakes itself, nearly toppling off the cliff before rolling the other way and hobbling back up the hill.

Amiel almost missed Judiel. They used to be buddies, back when Amiel still hung out Up There. Judiel enjoyed running messages down to earth and presenting them in the craziest ways. There were at least seven blogs dedicated specifically to all of the messes that Judiel started, ranging anywhere from ghost sightings to supposed meetings with God.

But then there was the new human resources rule, and angels were quickly barred from human contact. Amiel just happened to know the back staircase out of Heaven.

A light mist had begun as Amiel pondered, seeping into the green grass and turning it even greener. The angel rolled up his sleeves and shook out his hair. It was a Tuesday. He was looking forward to eating lamb tonight. Too bad They are all vegans.

Just as Amiel was about to take a slight step off of the steep cliff, he heard a jingling and panting sound come over the crest of the hill where the sheep had just disappeared to. The angel turned towards the sound, and saw the most adorable little dog prancing toward him. It was barely a foot tall, and had few defining features underneath the fluffy white coat of fur. Yet, somehow, the little guy still managed to look angry.

Its mouth was working, and as it got closer, Amiel began to make out some of the sounds.

"Those sheep have the audacity to eat my food? Those little shits better watch out, or I swear to fucking--"

"Hullo, Kyle," Amiel said conversationally. The dog trots right up to Amiel and paces in front of him, the action almost human. He's still rambling, complaining about something along the lines of becoming a carnivore to fight the sheep. "Judiel says hullo."

"Why the hell do you think I care? Judiel can go off a cliff," said Kyle the dog. He continued to pace.

Amiel sighed. Kyle was always in a 'mood'. There was always something to complain about, always something that wasn't good enough. Amiel supposed the anger originated from the fact that Kyle was bound to Amiel forever, due to some stupid assignment rule. All angels have a companion. Amiel's just happened to learn how to talk.

"Judiel invited me to dinner tonight."

This finally got Kyle to shut up. He turned, sat angrily, and looked up at Amiel.

It had taken years and years of self training for Amiel to hide his smile when he looked at Kyle. This little dog was brimming with anger, spite, anger, and a plethora of other miscellaneous problems. He was a boiling pile of all swear words known in every language. Yet, on the surface, he was a cute, seven pound, soft little puppy. Amiel's not sure how his heavenly companion is capable of swearing more than a sailor, especially when Jesus is always watching them.

"Why are you going to dinner?"

"Dunno," Amiel said. He turned to look out over the water, watching the waves as they crashed into the rocks at the bottom of the cliff. "Perhaps it's a check in. Perhaps Judiel wants to say hullo again."

Kyle shook his head. "If I have to come with you, Judiel's gonna wish that he never existed. I'll beat the shit out of him. You hear me?"

Amiel did not.

Without a backwards glance, Amiel turns and jumps off the cliff.