How to Save the World and Other Illegal Shenanigans

The Terrible Misadventures of Alex & Jack And Nothing Else, Vol. 1

Alex and Zacarioth-- pardon, Jack-- have been acquaintances since forever. Well, not actually forever. With how long the two have been alive, however, it certainly qualifies for the phrase.
At some point in fourteenth century Europe, Alex had managed to secure herself some sort of noble position. She wore all of the puffy dresses, suffocated in the corsets, put up with the old english. It was really hard, and she was really new to all of the vampire stuff, and living in a castle with a bunch of pricks didn't help.

She met Jack in a tavern just outside of the castle walls. He was dancing on the table tops, absolutely plastered, singing ridiculous songs about ruling the world, maybe even pirateering at one point. The rest of the drunkards were having a ball with his antics, but it was driving Alex absolutely insane. She had a pointing headache, her stomach hurt, and she kept pricking her tongue on those stupid sharp teeth.

Vaguely she heard Jack dancing closer to where she sat. Soon enough, his foot landed right in front of her face. Quick as could be, she reached out, grabbed his ankle, and pulled, dragging his leg and the rest of him right off the table top.

It ended up being a really bad decision, though.

As his feet flew out, his head fell back and smacked the corner of the table. There was a weird snap, and then, who would've known, Jack snapped his neck. He layed pretty still on the ground. Alex just stared at the body.

The tavern got quiet for a second, everyone staring at the corpse. But alas, within seconds, Jack's eyes flickered open, and he was up and dancing once again. Everyone was too drunk to see what had happened, and they immediately took up the jig again, cavorting around the room, sloshing their beers across the floor.

Alex shook her head and returned to nursing her ailments with a small glass of water. Jack relinquished his title role to another drunk, who sang just as loud. Alex was glad to not hear the man's voice anymore. She couldn't wrap her mind around his death. She stood up to clear her head when the dead man himself sat down next to her.

"Barman, I'd like a fine wine for the lady, who is disappointing herself with that disgusting substance you call water."

Alex turned. She paused momentarily. Half of it was shock that he really was alive, not just some sort of ghost that she made up. The other half was the fact that he was absolutely, most definitely, certainly, extraordinarily the hottest man that she had ever seen in her entire life.

"I know, you're flattered by my niceties," he continued, oblivious. She blinked. "Trust me, this wine will make you feel much better. I prefer something else, but I wouldn't like to offend the nice lady here."

"Who are you?"

"Jack And Nothing Else, my dear." Jack took her hand and kissed it. "My, what cold hands you have!"

"...Yeah," was all that Alex could manage. As soon as the barman placed the wine in front of her, she tossed the entire thing back. She turned to Jack, hiccupped, then said, "Let's go outside."

"Ooh, yes, please."

Alex took his hand and lead him through the door, unbothered by the chilly night air. The shadows were thick at that hour, and the two quickly leaned up against the side of the tavern.

She couldn't quite put her finger on it. Maybe it was because she just drank a bit, maybe it was seeing Jack die and come back, or maybe it was simply the fact that he was just beautiful. Just a beautiful man. Yes, that was it. In any manner, it completely clouded her judgement.

Soon enough her mouth wasn't on his, but on his neck.

And it wasn't her mouth, it was her teeth.