The Unseen Scenes of Glee (Glee Oneshots/Fanfic)

I thought about it once (Klaine) Part 2

Then he got up out of the bed and went to the bathroom.

Blaine came out a few minutes later. His face was still red from crying but he had cleaned away the tears and snot.

Kurt was still sitting on the bed. He looks up at Blaine when he heard the bathroom door open.

"Blaine, can we talk about this?" Kurt says lifting and dropping his shoulders.

"Ya ok." Blaine moves towards the bed to join Kurt.

"I can see this is really affecting you. I guess I really should have sat down and had a conversation with you about this before-"

"No. No. It's fine." Blaine says as he crawled onto the bed. "Honestly I don't think it would have mattered how you told me."

"Then what is it?" Kurt wants to help. He feels like this was all his fault. His husband had cried more in the past 24 hours than he had in the past year. Kurt is worried.

Blaine pauses for a second and licks his lips. "Like I said last night, I can't imagine never having you in my life. And hearing you say that-that you thought about killing yourself - it brings up a lot for me."

Kurt's concerned, "Like what baby?" He scooches closer to Blaine.

Blaine looks into Kurt's eyes. Kurt looks back; he could see the sadness in Blaine's eyes.

"Do you remember the 3rd or 4th time we tried to have sex?" Blaine continued, "Do you remember what you found on me?"

"Oh course baby your sca- oh." Kurt understood. "Your self harm scars."

"Listen, like I told you baby, I could never do it- kill myself. But did I ever think about it? Yes." Blaine couldn't look at Kurt anymore. He never told him this. "What if it had been me? What if I didn't stay long enough for you to enter my life? What would have happened to you?"

Blaine started to tear up again, and Kurt grabbed his shoulders.

"But you told me, Blaine. You told me it wasn't like that."

"Ya but I still thought about it. And you– you did too. Where would we be Kurt? I love you. I love my life right now. All of this– there would be none of it if either of us have made a slight wrong turn."

Kurt thought about what Blaine said. And then his mind drifted to the first time Blaine told him about this...

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Continued in "Visible in the light"

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"Kurt... are you ok?" Blaine's voice brought Kurt back to the present.

"Ya. Ya, baby I'm fine." Kurt says. He looks right into his husbands eyes. "I love you; you know that?"

"I know. I love you, too." Blaine said, looking lovey but still worried.

Kurt tried to reassure him, "Listen, baby, nothing happened, we're both here."

"Just tell me." Blaine says, begging, "Tell me what was going through your head."

Kurt sighed. "Ok. I was in high school. Freshman year hadn't gone well. My dad and I couldn't see eye to eye. He didn't get me; I wasn't out, but he knew. I didn't know he knew though. I felt like I was hiding my true self from everyone - you know what that's like. I tried to be me, I had my fashion," he says with a light smile, but then it drops from his face as he continues, "but I was bullied for it. I was afraid what people would do to me if they knew I was gay. I felt alone, isolated; I had no friends– like no one. I felt like I couldn't talk to my dad, and my mom was gone. More than anything I wanted to talk to her. At the time, it just didn't seem like my life was ever going to get better. I knew who I was and I knew that - being gay - life was only going to get harder. I just thought...  I could end it here. No one would really miss me."

Blaine is trying not to cry again, "But your dad–"

"Ya, but I wasn't really thinking about that then. I was thinking he doesn't even know me. I thought he wouldn't love me anymore if he found out. At the time, in that mindset, ending it all seemed like an option."

"That's-that's-that's" Blaine struggled for the words. "...awful. Did you.... think about how you would do it?"

"Not seriously. I thought maybe popping pills or finding a place to jump. I didn't really think it through though; there's no place to jump around here thats high enough and the only thing kept in my house was TUMs." Kurt smiled a bit, trying to lighten the mood. 

Blaine forced a little smile. 

Kurt continued, "Just like you told me about your... struggles, when I found your scars, you said we both had our journey to get where we were. All that matters is that we both made it here, we made it to each other. And look at the world now. Things have gotten so much better for LGBTQ rights and we get to see it and live it. For fuck sakes Blaine, we're married– LEGALLY married."

"Which makes me the luckiest man in the world." Blaine gets real close to Kurt and then he kisses him. 

Then things start to heat up...

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Continued in "Need to be close to you" (next part)