Your Secret's Safe With Me

Take Care

She was so excited for Peyton to come out because as much as she loved their private moments, she wanted to be able to show the love she had for her in public as well. 

"What are you doing here?"

Logan turned around to see Peyton, changed out of her dress into comfortable sweats and an oversized sweater. Logan turned back around hoping that not looking at her would stop the butterflies she felt in her stomach whenever she saw her. 

"I needed to be alone," Logan answered. She heard Peyton's footsteps and then felt her sit beside her on the sand. 

"Why?" Peyton asked, "you went to get a plate of food and then you left. I was worried about you." 

Logan couldn't help but scoff, "worried about me?" 

Peyton turned to her, not used to the coldness Logan was emitting. "yeah, I was. What's going on, babe?" 

She felt Peyton staring at her but she couldn't bring herself to look at her. She licked her dry lips not wanting the words to leave her mouth, but she knew it was for the best, "Peyton, I can't do it anymore." 

Peyton frowned not understanding, "do what?" 

"Us," she replied quietly. 

That one word stopped Peyton's heart stop and her mouth went dry. 

"I've been hurting so much the last couple weeks and I know I should've told you but I didn't want to pressure you to come out," Logan explained. 

Peyton's mind was racing, "hold on a second," she put her hand up, "let's not make any rash decisions."

Logan tucked her chin into her body looking down at the sand, "It's something that's been in the back of my mind for a couple days," she admitted.

Peyton bit the inside of her cheek, knowing that where this was going wasn't going to be pleasant. 

"I love you, Peyton. I can't even put into words how much I love you like, the dictionary doesn't even have enough words to describe what I feel for you." Logan pursed her lips, "I want to tell everyone who will listen how you make me feel. I want to hold your hand in public, kiss you when I want to, meet your parents officially as your girlfriend, go to prom together." She finally met Peyton's eyes, "as a couple." 

Peyton took Logan's hands, "is this about Grayson? Babe, I told you there's nothing to be jealous of." 

"That's the thing, Peyton. I am jealous! I'm jealous that you let him put his arms around you-"

"And I apologized for that and said that it won't happen again," Peyton interrupted. 

"I'm jealous that he's introducing you to his friends like he's your boyfriend and that you went along with it. Yet, I'm not allowed to be seen in public with you and the second I ask for a date that doesn't involve just staying indoors, you freak out." 

"I just need you to give me more time," Peyton pleaded. 

Logan laughed without humor, "Time? tell me how much time you need, Peyton. I would love  to hear this." 

Peyton thought about lying, but it felt like that would've made the situation worse. 

Logan stopped laughing, then stared back at the ocean, "you can't tell me because you don't plan on coming out, right? I overheard your conversation with Darren and Paige tonight." 

The blood drained from Peyton's face. This wasn't real, this was all a nightmare and she was going to wake up in her bed, with Logan sleeping next to her in a second. Logan's eyes bore into Peyton's and that's when she knew she wasn't dreaming, this nightmare was her reality. 

"You lied to me, Peyton. You gave me this false sense of hope." 

"I didn't-"

"but you did, Peyton." Logan rubbed her eyes, "I told myself to endure it for a little longer, that when you finally came out it was going to be worth it because you're worth it." She shrugged her shoulders, "looks like 'a little bit longer' is a bit of an understatement huh?" Logan swallowed the lump in her throat, "when I heard you say that no amount of time would be enough, it's like the light at the end of this dark tunnel suddenly turned off and the tunnel collapsed on me." Logan's face was stained with tears as she turned to the girl she loved, "but do you know what hurts the most? that you had no intention of telling me because then at least I could process it and come to terms with it. No, instead you would've left me hurting for God knows how long. Waiting like a fool, for nothing." 

Peyton's eyes welled up with tears as well, "you don't understand, Logan. I'm too scared to come out, I'm not brave like you." 

"Peyton, trust me when I say I know how hard it is to come out. It's terrifying and impossible to even figure out who to come out to or where to start." She wiped her face with the back of her hand, "but if it came down to being with you or enduring the heartache and the bullying that I experienced when I came out, I'd come out a billion times over. Because then at least I'd have you by my side and that's all the really matters." 

"Peyton, the majority of people at school were really supportive when I came out as a lesbian. I'll protect you I promise, Peyton," Logan tried for the last time to reconsider not coming out. 

Peyton sighed and buried her head in her hands, "that's different, Logan. We're different. People supported you because you're likable. If I came out, people wouldn't think twice to slander my name more than they already have." 

Logan shook her head, "then let them! You don't need them. I don't know why you care what other people think of you; people who don't matter; people who don't know anything about you. Focus on the ones that you love and love you regardless of your sexuality."

She closed her eyes hesitating to ask the question with fear of what her answer might be. "if you stay in the closet, would you be more open to at least dates in public. No PDA, I just want to take you to other places besides a bedroom." She held her breath, waiting to hear her answer. 

"I can't," she whispered. 

Logan let out a disappointed breath as she stood up to leave and Peyton hastily followed. She knew she was being selfish but she couldn't help herself. "Logan, wait," she grabbed her wrist and turned her around.

Logan looked down at the joined hands and found it ironic how this was the only time Peyton initiated any physical affection outside without looking around first. Unfortunately, it was too late, "No, Peyton. I'm tired."

Peyton clenched her jaw, "Stop that. You always say you're tired when something's wrong and you don't want to talk about it." 

A pained expression painted Logan's face, "I'm tired of waiting for something that's never going to come. I'm tired of you feeling ashamed of what you feel for me. And I'm tired of feeling like your dirty little secret," her voice cracked at the last word.

Logan lifted her hand up to kiss Peyton's as she stared lovingly into her eyes, a sad smile etched on her face. Peyton shook her head, tears streaming down her face uncontrollably, "Logan, please," she pleaded in a shaky voice.

Logan pulled away, but not before tucking something into Peyton's grasp. "Take care of yourself, Peyton." Logan turned and walked away, not looking back. 

Everything in Peyton told her to run after her, but the object pressed into her palm made her freeze. 

She opened her hand and the locket she gave to her just a couple of hours before, sat there, resting in the middle of her palm. 

[A/N]: THE END! 

LOL jk