Waterproof

SEVEN

Back at home, I sighed as I looked at the tremendous amounts of homework in my hand. I thought senior year was supposed to be ease, but it looks like AP classes didn't count.

And then I had an idea. Before I could even blink, I was out the door of my room and inside of Josie's.

If I could just find her notes, I'd be set. I'd have most of the help I needed. I searched through her desk, pulling out any notebook I saw. When I'd found them all, I picked up the stack and headed back to my bed.

I was careful as I set them down. I didn't want to crinkle any pages. These were all Josie's things. They contained her handwriting, parts of her life.

I opened one of them up. It was for science, so I placed it to the side to go through later. I needed history for now, because Mrs. Drew wasn't taking it easy on me.

The next one was Calculus, which I'd definitely need later. But the third one I opened wasn't for school.

It was filled with writing, and dates to go with it. Josie had a journal.

I couldn't stop one of the tears that were forming from slipping, but I pushed the rest back before they could stain the page like the first one.

The first entry was from January 1st.

I didn't want it to happen. But he wouldn't listen. He kept telling me I needed to be quiet, slapping me when I kicked him.

I was sore in the morning. But it was nothing compared to the depression that smacked into me like a semi truck.

I lost myself. Every part of me I thought I had.

I wished I hadn't told mom it was okay for her to go on a date with dad that night. I wish I hadn't snuck out of the house to go cliff jumping with Carson. I wish Carson hadn't left early. I wish I hadn't accepted the ride back to my house with him. I wish that I could take back everything that happened.

There's a lot of things I wished hadn't happened, but no matter how many times I prayed for a redo, I'm still facing the same day.

January 1st.

By the time I had finished reading the page, the tears were coming uncontrollably as I reached for my phone through my sight, blurred from tears.

I found Carson's contact quickly and called it, trying to keep my eyes from leaking.

Carson picked up on the second ring. The second I heard his voice, I lost it again. "Elle, hey." When he heard my sniffling, his tone changed to concern. "Ellie? What's wrong?"

"Josie," I said, heaving in a deep breath. "I... I think I know why."

"Why what?" From the way he spoke, I was pretty sure he had an idea of what I was talking about, but he wanted clarification.

My words were shaky when I was finally able to say them. "I think I know why she killed herself, Carson."

"What?" Now he was alarmed.

"I think... I think Josie was raped."